Life is Gratitude ....

Meditation:

2011-12-10T02:23:00.001+01:00

Today's quotation:

You will succeed best when you
put the restless, anxious side of
affairs out of mind, and allow the
restful side to live in your thoughts.

Margaret Stowe

Today's Meditation:

I've learned that when I'm involved with sports in any sort of competition, I always perform best when I relax and don't worry about outcomes or final scores or how well I do. When I coach, one of my most important goals is to get athletes to relax out on the field or on the court. It's amazing how much more effective one can be when he or she is relaxed.

The restful side of ourselves is easily the most effective and most productive part of who we are. When we come from a place of relaxation, the factors involved in our decisions don't seem as drastic to us, and we're able to make better decisions that are the result of more contemplation and insight.

Of course, there always will be those times when being relaxed and restful is inappropriate. Sometimes tension is one of our best motivators, and it does have its place in our lives. But its rightful place should be very small and come very rarely, only in extreme circumstances. If we wish to succeed in ways that are good for us in the long term, in ways that will help us to live life fully, we must approach our decisions from the restful side of ourselves. This is also the only truly fair and helpful way to help others.

Can you put the restless and anxious side of your affairs out of your mind? If you can, then you're well on the way to improving the quality of your life in many important ways.

Questions to consider:Why do the restless and anxious sides of our
situations tend to dominate our thoughts?
How can we go about trying to let the restful side be
the side that we most focus on?
How can we go about relaxing in tense situations?

For further thought:

No one can escape stress, but you can learn to cope with it.
Practice positive thinking. . . seize control in small ways.

Adele Scheele

Why Online Dating is Like Applying for a Job

2011-10-17T01:21:00.001+02:00

We got to think about the similarities between searching for someone to date and looking for a job. In both cases, your resume/profile and initial letter are the only thing standing between a dream life and rejection. Here’s how you can be better at both.

1. Your profile is your resume: Be specific

Who are you, really? You have to be careful here to not over or underdo it. Tell me too much about your quirks and I will think you’re weird. Too little and I won’t care enough to contact you. As you should on your resume, leave out looked over buzzwords and get down to the data. Sure you are a genuine guy who values honesty…I’ve heard that one before. What makes you special?

Advice: Make very apparent the three or four things that you are passionate about so you can attract someone who actually has the same interests. Don’t just say you like to workout. Say you run 25 miles a week or do P90X. Don’t say you like music. Say you like a specific band especially if this means a lot to you.Sorry to say, I don’t date country, but many, many women do!

2. But don’t be too specific

TMI, my friend, is just as taboo in the workplace as in the online dating community. If your profile runs on for five mouse scrolls, has typos or is rambling, you’ll lose me. Anything about your ex will turn me off, period. If you got fired from your last job, you wouldn’t put that on your resume.

Advice: If you are going to get specific, focus on something you know well. On your resume, this would be your most recent job. Maybe you increased sales by 45%. If you grill the best steak in the universe, throw it out there but be prepared to back it up. Steak enthusiasts will apply and smell a lie if you’ve never turned on a grill.

3. Your email is your cover letter

Boilerplate emails that go something like: I really liked your profile and would love to get to know you better or I am applying for the job you posted as are immediately deleted, unless you’re Brad Pitt. And even if you are, we’ll think you’re lying. The people I respond to comment on one or two things in my profile and connect it with something that they do.

Advice: Don’t contact people you don’t think you could be friends with. You wouldn’t apply to a job as an executive chef with no experience in a kitchen. A marathon runner will rarely date a couch potato.

4. Don’t wink

On Match.com at least there is an option to wink. This isn’t the ’50s. If you want to drop a quick line, do so, but follow the rules above. Even on Facebook, poking is so over and so impersonal.

Advice: You wouldn’t be too formal with a hiring manager. Manners go a long way. Be polite and respectful.

5. Don’t get discouraged

Yes you are going to get rejected most of the time when job searching or looking for someone you can stand to be around for more than 5 minutes.

Advice: The best piece of advice is to look for something you want, something you are qualified for and to focus your energy on that. Once that letter is out, let fate take over. Then move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea waiting to match their chemistry with you in perfect (e)harmony. :-)

Maksim

2011-05-30T21:39:00.000+02:00

Maksim Mrvica [maksim mrʋitsa] ( Šibenik , May 3 , 1975 ) is a popular pianist fromCroatia . In 2003 his first album The Piano Player .

http://www.mixpod.com/playlist/82184705

Home Ideas and Decorations

2011-05-23T12:54:00.000+02:00

50 Not-So-Boring Neutral Rooms

Is your home feeling a little too busy and cluttered? Check these calming feel
Photos (click here) showing calming feelings of neutral rooms

Has Listening Affected your Relationships?

2011-05-23T11:34:00.003+02:00

The Art of Listening and How Your Relationships Thrive

No wonder listening is an undervalued art. Research shows that we speak at a rate of about 125 words per minute, yet we have the capacity to listen to approximately 400 words per minute. So what are we doing with that extra space in our minds when someone else is talking? Are we really listening?

I have a friend who used to multi-task when we spoke on the phone. He would respond appropriately to what I was saying, but I could hear him shuffling papers or trying to quietly order food at the deli (yes, this actually happened). Even though he was following the conversation, I felt bereft as I was sharing my innermost thoughts and feelings. Fortunately, our friendship was more important than his to-do list, and now I happily get his full attention.

Listening is essential to fulfilling relationships. If you are experiencing challenging interactions or you want your connections to deepen, reflect on how you can improve your listening skills. The benefits? Consider the following:

People will feel be more drawn to you; they will like you more.

You will learn something new.

You will solve problems more effectively.

You will experience less loneliness and frustration.

You will feel happier and more relaxed.

Learn to listen well, and watch all your relationships thrive. Here's how.

Pay attention
Since our brains have the capacity to process 275 more words per minute than are actually spoken, we tend to fill up the void with extraneous thoughts. Notice how when someone is speaking, you are partially listening, while simultaneously planning the rest of your day, replaying a meeting that just occurred, or deciding what you will say next. Paying attention is the cardinal rule for good listening. Hear the words, and let their meaning in. If your mind wanders, simply re-focus your attention on the conversation.

Be receptive
If you show up with an agenda, you are not going to be available to fully hear what the other person is saying. There is no problem with having goals for an interaction, but let them go while the other person is speaking so you can hear what is being expressed. Balance your need for a given outcome with your desire to sustain a harmonious relationship.

Check your understanding
Make sure you can repeat what you just heard, and if you can't, ask for clarification. You might be surprised at how much you are missing. Most people are. When you think you've gotten it, you might say, “So what you are saying is....” to verify your understanding.

Be an explorer
Explorers are open and curious. They are inquisitive, without knowing what they will find. So what to do with all of that excess brain power? Focus on the speaker. Notice body language, tone of voice, and rate of speaking. Then look beneath the words to see what feelings and needs are being communicated. You never know what you might find.

Show interest
If you find yourself bored and distracted, reconnect with the interaction. Maintain eye contact, uncross your arms, and ask questions that take the conversation deeper. Find out what really matters to the person you are speaking with.

Be patient
As much as you may be tempted, don't speak over someone who is talking. When you feel the urge to step in, take a breath, let your agenda go, and continue to listen. If you need to move the conversation along, do so politely, as in, “Excuse me, I'm so sorry for interrupting, but ….” Likewise, be careful not to jump to conclusions or assume you know what hasn't yet been said. These are all signs that your inner explorer has fallen asleep. Revitalize your experience by paying attention to what is happening in the moment.

Get out of a rut
Have you ever had the same problematic conversation with someone over and over? Bring a fresh perspective to the relationship by redoubling your efforts to listen. Let go of your need to be right or your ideas about what the other person should be saying or doing, and hear them as if for the first time. This moves you from contraction and limit to possibility and potential simply by listening.

Effective listening develops empathy, which is the capacity for a deep understanding of another's experience. And isn't that what it takes for a relationship to thrive? It's as simple as paying attention.

Hop on, Hop off in London

2011-04-11T23:26:00.000+02:00

We enjoyed our trip in London ...

5 Extraordinary Uses for Baking Soda

2011-01-23T21:58:00.001+01:00

Baking soda isn't just for baking anymore. Here are 5 interesting uses for this common household product.

http://www.rd.com/video/5-extraordinary-uses-for-baking-soda/video186463.html

The Need to Eat Frugally

2011-01-23T21:57:00.000+01:00

The Need to Eat Frugally

Unfulfilled Dreams

2010-10-09T18:21:00.000+02:00

We all have hopes and dreams.......

We all go through times in our lives when we come up with ideas of things that we would like to accomplish in life, places we would like to be in the years ahead. It's a natural human tendency, it seems, to come up with an ideal that we would like to fulfill in our futures.

But what happens when the years go by and those dreams never come to fruition? What happens when we find ourselves, years later, in a situation that's so far removed from our ideal that we can only think that we've somehow failed, that we haven't accomplished our life's desire? It can be a very devastating experience. A friend of mine wrote the following lines:

"Well, at 40 I'm losing hope that this dream will ever come true, and sometimes I would get upset at God for not helping me to make this happen. So this has been a great impediment in my living a full life. Sometimes I'm unable to be happy in the moment because of these unfulfilled dreams. It's those "why couldn't it have been?", "why didn't it happen for me?" times that rob me of my joy for today. And as much as I know and have read that real peace is internal, I also know for me, that the environment where I spend my time makes a difference."

I try to focus on the fact that I trust God to put me where I'm most effective, where I can do the most good, and where I can learn the most. Getting through the hard times has been much more beneficial to me in the long run than having an idyllic life would have been. I've learned more about what I truly want out of life through the painful experiences in places I didn't necessarily want to be than I have in times when everything's been fine.

I suppose that the bottom line is that all of our dreams are available to us if we're willing to take risks and make sacrifices. Can't afford that summer vacation that you dream of? Where can you make sacrifices? Going out less? Renting fewer movies? Ordering fewer pizzas? Do you wish you lived somewhere else? Find out what it would take to move there, and go. The most important thing to consider, though, is your current situation and where you see yourself going if you stay in it. If you see yourself developing very little in or getting very little from your current situation, maybe it's time you examined those dreams of yours to see where they may be directing you. We've been given dreams for a reason, and much of that reason is to give us something to strive for.

Let your heart guide you--if it tells you to stay, that's where you're supposed to be, and make the most of it. If it tells you to go, then take the risk and make the most of that. If faith in God is part of your life, ask Him for guidance, then listen for the answer; and whatever that answer may be, follow it, for you will be taken care of.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

2010-09-13T17:17:00.000+02:00

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Oliver Stone & the Camel Club are back in 'Hell's Corner'

Friday, 23 July 2010 13:32

David’s next thriller will bring back Oliver Stone and the Camel Club in Hell’s Corner, the fifth installment in the Camel Club series, set for U.S. release on November 9, 2010.

Oliver Stone and the Camel Club return in David’s most stunning adventure yet.

An attack on the heart of power...
In sight of the White House...
At a place known as...
HELL’S CORNER

John Carr, aka Oliver Stone—once the most skilled assassin his country ever had—stands in front of the White House, perhaps for the last time. The President has personally requested that Stone serve his country again on a high-risk covert mission. Though he’s fought for decades to leave his past career behind, Stone has no choice but to say yes.

But Stone’s mission changes drastically before it even begins. It’s the night of a State Dinner honoring the British Prime Minister. As he watches the Prime Minister’s motorcade leave the White House that evening, a bomb is detonated in Lafayette Park, an apparent terrorist attack against both the President and the Prime Minister. It’s in this chaotic aftermath that Stone takes on a new, more urgent assignment: find those responsible for the bombing.

British MI-6 agent Mary Chapman becomes Stone’s partner in the search for the unknown attackers. But their shadowy opponents are elusive, capable, increasingly lethal, and worst of all, it seems that the park bombing may just have been the opening salvo to their plan. With nowhere else to turn, Stone enlists the help of the only people he knows he can trust: the Camel Club. But that may be a big mistake.

In the shadowy worlds of politics and intelligence, there is no one you can really trust. Nothing is what it seems to be. And Hell’s Corner truly lives up to its name. This may be Oliver Stone and the Camel Club’s last stand.

How to Get What You Want by Complaining

2010-08-25T11:05:00.000+02:00

Get any situation to meet your satisfaction with these proper complaining pointers.

From Reader's Digest

1. Photograph the problem, then whip out the pictures as proof of, say, a less than relaxing hotel room.

2. Ask the manager to come out from behind the counter for a private chat. He may appreciate your discretion and remedy the problem quickly.

Learn the art of subtle complaining to get your needs addressed.

3. State the facts, without hyperbole, and their "unhappy effect" on you and your family. When the manager asks you how he can address the problem, calmly start reciting the list again. You may get more satisfaction than you imagined.

4. The longer you stay on the phone with customer service reps, the harder they may try to satisfy you and get you off the line so they can make their hourly quotas.

5. Ask the company rep, "What would you do if you were in my shoes?"

6. Write a letter, be sure to use the word fraud, and send it registered mail for dramatic effect.
Source: Tips from readers in "The Haggler," by David Segal, New York Times

Plus: 13 Hotel Desk Clerk Secrets

Should I buy these foods again?

2010-08-25T10:54:00.000+02:00

With the rising costs of groceries, we'd all love to save a few bucks at the checkout line. Now you can easily slash your bill with some clever shopping moves and DIY recipes. Manufacturers would like to make you think you're getting a good deal in exchange for convenience, but it's really just eating away at your food budget. Don't be fooled any longer. Cross these items off your list for good!
Please take a look -----

15 FOODS YOU SHOULD NEVER BUY AGAIN

Today's Quotation : "It's amazing, isn't it, how some people see the basket half empty and others see it half full. Some see life hopeless, others hopeful. Even when things are less than perfect, if you can think of the good, the beautiful, the hopeful, you'll be more than sustained--you'll conquer. "

2010-05-28T12:35:00.001+02:00

I remember many, many times when I've seen the basket half empty. For much of my life when I was unmarried (I married at 37), I saw life as somehow empty, somehow lacking, because I was missing that which I most wanted. A wife and a family seemed to be an impossible dream that I was being denied even though so many others were blessed with both--and many had little to no appreciation of that. My view was tarnished by what was lacking in my life, and it did hurt me significantly.
Fortunately, I worked my way through this before I ever met the woman I was to marry. I finally came to the point at which I was comfortable being alone, and I was happy with what I had in life--I had many blessings instead of a family, and I began to appreciate them for what they were. The basket truly was half full, and even that "missing" half represented wonderful things that I already had experienced.
I've found that life gives back to us almost exactly what we give to it. If we give it an attitude of appreciation and gratitude, life gives us more things to be thankful for. If we look at each thing for exactly what it IS rather than what it's MISSING, we'll see that our lives are filled with an abundance that we hardly can imagine. If we accept people for what they do rather than judge them for what they don't do, we'll find our relationships strengthening and growing and becoming something more than they ever were.
We see things as half empty when we allow our fear to control us--our fear that something soon will be completely empty and we'll have to do without, or we won't be able to provide for our loved ones. We have to let go of that fear and focus on the fact that we have enough for now, and we can trust that tomorrow will bring us more--in its own way--if we're to live our lives in a happy, healthy way.

 Questions to                       consider: 

Do you see the glass as half empty or half full? Are you afraid that a half-empty glass will soon be gone, or are you glad that you have half a glass of something to enjoy?
How do the "half-empty" people affect you when you're around them? Are their views generally positive?
Is it realistic to expect that all of our glasses should
be full all the time?

Divine Justice by David Baldacci .... I love The Camel Club book series

2010-05-28T12:11:00.003+02:00

Delivery Food Strategies

2010-05-19T18:16:00.001+02:00

Here's how to keep your delivery food healthy — or, at least, sensible

Watching what you eating doesn't mean saying bye-bye to your beloved takeout menu collection. Your regular takeout order from the Mexican restaurant on the corner or the pizza place with three kinds of crust shouldn't be a black hole of POINTS® values, according two well-respected dieticians and doctors. With a little caution, you can feed your craving for that quick meal and not spend the rest of the night working it off at the gym.

"I love fast-food places," admits Dawn Jackson Blatner RD, LDN, the resident dietician for lifetimetv.com and an American Dietetic Association spokesperson. "They can be nutritious; you just have to be smart."

According to Timothy S. Harlan, MD, host of former Food Network show Cooking Thin, fast food should be kept to a minimum, but when hunger calls remember to order a single meal and split it up: "Restaurants always give way too much for a normal person, and half a portion is generally enough."

Blatner and Harlan's dos and don'ts for fast food

Asian: Rice out of sight, out of mouth.
Asian restaurants have a surprising amount of nutritious meals, say Blatner and Harlan — and also a surprising amount of hidden fat masked as healthy fare.

"Proximity is the name of the game here. If you don't have it on your plate, you're not going to eat it," Blatner says. "Fill up on the steamed veggies, and cut your rice portion in half."
"Go for a made-to-order stir-fried dish, but ask them to go easy on the oil," Harlan says. "And stay away from coconut milk — 1/4 cup has 111 calories, almost all from fat." His choice: Sushi and sashimi and rolls with a lot of veggies, but avoid deep-fried versions such as spider rolls.
Blatner adds a tip to remember on your next trip to Chinatown: "A bite of rice has four times more calories than a bite of vegetables."

Mexican: Chips and extra cheese are not your friends
Blatner suggests avoiding the brick of fat in the cheese enchilada and ordering something a la carte, like a fajita, "which is vegetable heavy and allows you to layer on your own cheese, sauce and guacamole."

The healthiest choice is generally going to be a taco salad; just eat a little bit of the tortilla, advises Harlan. He also suggests ordering something like a chalupa: Essentially a fresh corn tortilla with lettuce, tomato, guacamole and a bit of cheese.
"Refried beans are going to be made with lard and contain a ton of calories and saturated fat — avoid them," Harlan says.

Pizza: Keep it local
"I have to eat this once a week," Blatner says. "But I always go with a thin crust and go easy on the cheese with a little basil and artichoke on top." She suggests ordering a bowl of minestrone soup to go along with your pie. "Having this fills you up, and I swear you'll eat several fewer bites of the pie."
Adds Harlan, "The major chains are the most guilty of making this an unhealthy food, and it's best if you go to a neighborhood joint. It's even better if they make whole-wheat pizza dough for a boost of fiber."
While it may be obvious that you should steer clear of the artery-clogging cheese-stuffed crust, Harlan said it's also wise to avoid the fatty meat toppings and get your pie piled high with mushrooms, peppers, tomato sauce, olives, onions, roasted garlic, eggplant, artichokes and sun-dried tomatoes instead.

Hamburgers: There's no value in some of those meals
"Get whatever is the smaller sandwich, and swap out the fatty sides of rings and fries for a side salad or a fruit cup," Blatner recommends. "The major hidden calories are in the slice of cheese and special sauce snuck in under the bun."
"There are not a lot of fast-food burgers that I would eat," Harlan says. "It might not have trans fats, but that doesn't mean [it's] fat free. And if you want to eat French fries or fried chicken, you should seek out the best your town has to offer, and splurge on that."

“Restaurants always give way too much for a normal person and half a portion is generally enough.” — Timothy S. Harlan, MD

Remember, says Harlan: "Life is too short to eat bad food, and a cheap, greasy hamburger with reconstituted onions and awful pickles on a soft, limp, spongy white bread bun is just not worth eating. Seek out a good, lean burger."

What they all do wrong
"The calories in your cup count too," Blatner says. "Don't wash your good choices down with soda; stick with an unsweetened iced tea."
Harlan thinks you're best off eating at a sandwich shop, where you make the choices. "Try to make fast food like being in your own kitchen, and choose a lot of fresher, healthy ingredients you would find in your own house."
Some of their favorites are salad and soup joints, and both agree that printing out the nutritional values for favorite fast meals and keeping them in your briefcase for a quick consult before you're next in line is a good place to start.

Which is which ?

2010-02-24T15:19:00.004+01:00

One day I got tremendous pain below my belly button. I told my husband about it and he advised me to see a doctor. After few hours of fighting of whatever pain i felt.. the phone rang .. it was my friend. She invited me to come and visit the ongoing book fair held at Antwerp Expo. I declined due to what i was agonizing with ... I didn't noticed that I shared my pain with her, then I just realized that I did when she blurted out to consult Dr. Google. She made fun of me, anyways I put on my computer while telling myself to give a try ... but I did went to see a doctor.

This is what I found ...

Symptom Checker

http://www.livestrong.com/tools/symptom-checker/

Accordingly, this tool will help you to decide whether to treat at home or see a doctor.

Track your daily plate...

2010-02-24T15:08:00.002+01:00

See how many calories you burn and consume.

Check it out ... http://www.livestrong.com/thedailyplate/

GO RETRO: 12 Tips for a Happy Marriage

2009-11-15T10:59:00.002+01:00

Retro Relationship Tip No. 1: Reinstate Civility

"Please," "thank you," "pardon me" and "may I" are phrases that seemed to have all but disappeared from present-day vocabularies, especially with our loved ones.

After spending time with Wonderful Marriage co-authors Lilo and Gerard Leeds, married for more than 50 years, Real believes you should extend your partner the same courtesy you would a stranger. "When speaking to your spouse, don't be rude, be respectful. Use a combination of old-school civility and modern frankness." Additionally, he suggests trying more sweetness and tenderness by saying things more lovingly.

Psychotherapist and author Tina Tessina, PhD, concurs. "Politeness is like a lubricant for your daily interactions; it makes everything go more smoothly."

Joyce Morley-Ball, EdD, a counselor in Decatur, Ga., adds some specifics. "Show her that chivalry is not dead: Pull out her chair, open the door for her, help her over a puddle, give her your coat when it is cold outside, help her to put on her coat. This act of affection shows that she is important and there is a level of respect for her."

Retro Relationship Tip No. 2: Put Pen to Paper

Back before cell phones and instant messaging, people wrote letters of affection to each other, often waiting weeks to receive them.

Lilia Fallgatter, author of The Most Important Letter You Will Ever Write: How to Tell Loved Ones How You Feel Before It's Too Late, advocates reviving the lost art of letter-writing to increase intimacy in a relationship.

"Love letters exchanged between a couple can strengthen their relationship by helping them to connect to one another on a deeper level," she says via email. "These letters may also become treasured keepsakes that can be revisited and experienced anew each time they are read." You'll reap bonus points if you hand write it on beautiful paper and enclose a cherished memento such as a photograph or ticket stub from a movie you saw together.

Retro Relationship Tip No. 3: Sleep As Singles

It was TV censors who kept sitcom couples in separate beds, but maybe there was wisdom to catching your ZZZs in your own bed.

When one partner snores or is a night owl, tensions can mount in the marital bed, experts say. It may seem like a throwback a la Ricky and Lucy Ricardo, but many couples happily sleep in separate beds; some even maintain separate bedrooms and eliminate tossing and turning and fights over the blanket.

And many couples who are secure enough to seek satisfying slumber on their own report using the regained energy for more ... loving pursuits.

Retro Relationship Tip No. 4: Maintain Same-Sex Friends -- and Interests

Don't for Wives instructs women not to "try to regulate your husband's pleasures and don't be jealous if they don't include you."

It's only been during the past couple of decades that couples expected to share a bulk of their free time together. Retro couples didn't necessarily want to participate in each others hobbies.

Charlotte, N.C., relationship expert Kathy Stafford recommends that couples keep close ties with their same-sex friends throughout marriage. "My parents had separate interests. Dad belonged to a men's club, and Mom belonged to a ladies-only club. This gave them both time to cultivate their own interests, and they weren't totally reliant on each other for their entertainment."

Retro Relationship Tip No. 5: Look Sharp

How did June Cleaver do it? She always looked impeccable when serving dinner to Ward and the kids.

Les Parrott, PhD, and professor of psychology at Seattle Pacific University, says you can inspire romance by dressing up for the occasion. "With our hectic schedules, it's tempting to resort to sweatpants all weekend or immediately changing into a ratty T-shirt after work. Instead, dress up the next time you and your spouse have dinner or plan a night out. Wearing a beautiful dress or a button-down shirt and slacks will be unexpected and make your partner feel special that you took the extra time to look nice. Taking time with your appearance inspires romance and shows your partner you care."

Rhonda Fine, PhD, a board-certified sexologist at the MIAMI Institute, agrees. She tells WebMD via email, "Never let yourself go. Look your best as often as possible -- it will make your partner feel loved and proud."

Retro Relationship Tip No. 6: Don't Go to Bed Angry

Jackie Gleason may have wanted to "send Alice to the moon," but the Honeymooners settled their quarrels before turning in for the night.

The long-married Leeds are proponents of this wisdom. Even if you can't resolve a disagreement before you hit the sheets, you can agree to let the anger go for the night. Remind each other how lucky you are -- even as you disagree -- to have each other to disagree with.

"From the very beginning we decided that we didn't want to go to bed angry," Gerard Leeds writes. "And we seldom go to sleep without kissing each other good night."

Retro Relationship Tip No. 7: Hit the Dance Floor

Ever notice how blissful couples look as they are twirling across the dance floor, entwined in each other's arms like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers?

There is a language of leading and yielding that dance teaches. Paul Bolotovsky is the owner of the Manhattan-based Nightclub Dance Series, an instructional dance series that teaches men and women how to dance in nightclubs. He says that putting on your dancing shoes can put the sizzle back into a relationship that has fizzled.

"The old days of ballroom dancing and swing have a lot to offer today's couples," he tells WebMD in an email interview. "The touch, teamwork, energy, music, anticipation, and companionship are all wonderful byproducts after a night of dancing." Don't fret if you have two left feet; even "contemporary" dancing" is a way to spend fun time together.

Retro Relationship Tip No. 8: Have Couples Fun

Bridge and pinochle were common activities shared by our parents and their friends. So was cocktail hour and formal anniversary celebrations with like-minded couples.

Fine says, "Play board games with other couples! It's fun and a great way to be social with others and playful with one another."

Parrott says it is important to identify friends who are healthy additions to your social circle. "Your goal is to become close with other couples with similar standards and interests who have positive attitudes about marriage and family life. Gravitate toward fun couples who make you feel supported and enhance your active, healthy lifestyle. Friends like these are good for your marriage and overall well-being."

Retro Relationship Tip No. 9: Give Compliments

To give a compliment, you've got to pay attention -- really notice something about someone. Remember how Carol and Mike Brady, the happily married matriarch and patriarch of The Brady Bunch, lavished them on each other?

If it's been a while since you've doled out flattering praise, try it.

Tessina notes that it costs nothing to say, "You look good," "You did a great job," or "I like your shirt." Yet compliments can really reassure and pump up your spouse.

Retro Relationship Tip No. 10: Hold Hands

Back in our parents' time, hand-holding and discreet pecks on the cheek were the tasteful, chaste displays of affection.

Although anything goes these days, Morley-Ball encourages couples to simply hold hands in public. "[It] affirms to everyone your undying affection and love for each other. [It] shows everyone that you are proud to be with each other and you want everyone to know it."

Tessina echoes this sweet sentiment. "There's an actual electrical connection that passes between us when we touch. You can use that electrical connection to provide juice in your marriage. Give each other little pats and gentle touches and hold hands frequently when you're walking or driving and you'll keep the energy -- and the sweetness -- flowing between you."

Retro Relationship Tip No. 11: Cut Back on Complaints

Yesteryear's couples had a comic reputation for nagging -- think of The Dick Van Dyke Show -- yet, in truth, many partners often held their tongues.

Real thinks a stumbling block in modern marriages is a constant soundtrack of discord. "Our generation thinks that closeness comes from sharing everything, letting each other know how miserable you are. But it doesn't motivate me to treat you better."

He says that relaying every annoyance is a bad idea. Instead, he recommends you pick your battles. "Not everything needs to be addressed."

Retro Relationship Tip No. 12: Try Thoughtful Little Acts

Back in the day, with fewer stresses, limited technology and less multitasking, couples were more "present" in their relationships.

"The presence of little, daily thoughtful acts showed caring and appreciation for one another," says licensed clinical social worker Toni Coleman. "Things like making breakfast for your spouse or packing their lunch, bringing them coffee in the morning or a drink or glass of wine at the end of the day, warming up their car or putting their keys and other personal effects on the hall table, ready to go."

Real writes that sustaining a happy relationship, such as the Leeds', requires careful thought, a generous spirit and hard work.

"There's a lot of wisdom [to be gained] from our parents or grandparents, he says."They had companionship marriage, but we've raised the bar -- we want romance, great sex, and more intimacy. We can reconcile these two approaches. With some of the gentleness and graciousness of previous generations with the technology and savvy of today's marriages."

Healthy snack

2009-10-13T12:27:00.001+02:00

Baked Apples

rep Time: 15 Minutes

Cook Time: 15 Minutes

Ready In: 30 Minutes

Servings: 4

"Tart apples baked with brown sugar, butter and cinnamon."

Ingredients:

4 tart green apples

1/2 cup brown sugar

4 tablespoons butter

2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

Directions:

1.	Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
2.	Scoop out the core from top of the apple, leaving a well. Do not cut all the way through. Stuff each apple with 2 tablespoons brown sugar and 1 tablespoon butter. Place in a shallow baking dish and sprinkle with cinnamon.
3.	Bake in preheated oven for 15 minutes, until sugar begins to caramelize and apples are tender.

POTATOES !

2009-09-21T22:18:00.006+02:00

Every Blog has variations, so at this point we are going to discuss something about POTATOES ! this is upon request by a very dear friend of mine. So here we go.

First we must learn about potatoes... as we should know, there are many potato varieties and each type has a different taste and texture. Choosing the right potato variety for the right dish will help guarantee perfect results.

Potato Varieties

Click to see the full potato variety chart

Potato Nutrition

These values represent an average 175g serving of boiled new potatoes in their skins.

Pick up a potato and you're holding an amazingly nutrient dense food! Calories in potatoes are low, they're naturally fat-free, bursting with vitamins and minerals, contain absolutely no cholesterol and when served with their skins are a great source of fibre.

Independent nutritionists and dietary researchers recommend potatoes as the perfect base for a balanced diet. Because potatoes are packed full of nutrients for your brain and body, they can make you look, feel and even think great!

POTATO NUTRITION FACTS:

Vitamin C

Potatoes are a great provider of Vitamin C! Have a medium portion of new potatoes (175g/6oz) and you'll get 26% of your Recommended Daily Allowance (RDA) of this vital vitamin.

Tuck into a medium jacket potato and you're getting almost half the RDA in one go. It's a little known fact that potatoes already provide 15% of Britain's Vitamin C intake.

Promotes the growth and maintenance of bones, teeth, skin and red blood cells, helps repair tissues and helps the body resist stress and infection. Vitamin C is believed to prevent cardiovascular disease, lower cholesterol levels, lower blood pressure, fight allergies and asthma, and aid symptoms of all sorts of diseases from diabetes to osteoporosis.
(source: www.vitamin-insight.com)

Vitamin B

A 175g serving of boiled new potatoes in their skins provides 11% of your RDA of Vitamin B1. Vitamin B1 (Thiamin) is needed to release energy from carbohydrate. It is involved in the normal function of the nervous system and the heart.

A type of thiamin deficiency affecting brain function can be seen in alcoholics, where daily thiamin intake is low and absorption and use of the vitamin is impaired.

Vitamin B6

Vitamin B6 makes your blood healthy - and even a medium serving (175g/6oz) of new potatoes gives you up to 30% of your RDA.

One of the team of B vitamins that produce enzymes and red blood cells. Frequent vitamin B6 intake is really important because it's regularly excreted. Vitamin B6 is also needed for the metabolism of fats, proteins and carbohydrates. It aids the functioning of the immune and nervous systems. There's some evidence that asthma, diabetes and PMS (premenstrual syndrome) sufferers may benefit from this vitamin. It may also lower cholesterol and help prevent heart disease.

To get the most vitamin B6 avoid boiling the potatoes as a lot of it will flow out into the water.

Folate (Folic Acid)

Folate is an essential nutrient, particularily for young women. Boiled new potatoes in their skins (175g portion) provide 33mcg (9%) of your RDA of folate.

Folate is one of the B vitamins used by your body. Folate is used to make red blood cells and important proteins like DNA. Getting enough folate is especially important during growth spurts and during pregnancy.

Getting enough folate lessens your chance of having a baby with a neural tube defect. Neural tube defects (NTDs) are a type of birth defect that involve the brain and spinal cord and can cause serious lifelong problems for a baby. We now know that getting enough folate during the childbearing years is one of the best ways to lower your chances of having a baby with a neural tube defect. Even if you are not pregnant now, and do not plan to be pregnant soon, it's never too early to start thinking about getting enough folate.

Folate is measured in micrograms (mcg). For women of childbearing age, the recommendation is 400 micrograms of folate daily. Potatoes, green leafy vegetables, some citrus fruits and certain beans are rich sources of folate. Teens who don't eat many fruits or vegetables or those who skip meals may not get enough folate. (source: www.youngwomenshealth.org)

No cholesterol

According to The British Dietetic Association, the professional association for registered dieticians in Great Britain and Northern Ireland, potatoes contain absolutely no cholesterol. Not only that, the fibre they contain actually reduces existing cholesterol levels. And that helps reduces the risk of heart disease.

Cholesterol is a waxy substance found in the bloodstream and in all your body's cells. We all need some cholesterol in the blood - but when the level gets too high it turns into a major risk for coronary heart disease, which leads to heart attack. It's also a risk factor for stroke. That's why it's a good idea to get your cholesterol level tested by a dietician or the doctor.
(source: www.americanheart.org)

Potassium

Boiled new potatoes in their skins (175g portion) provide 22% of your RDA of potassium.

All the cells, nerves and body fluids in your body rely on potassium to function properly. The British Dietetic Association, the professional association for registered dieticians in Great Britain and Northern Ireland advises that the Potassium in potatoes plays a role in lowering blood pressure as part of a healthy low-salt diet. (Sources: www.nutrition.org.uk and www.bbc.co.uk)

Magnesium

Magnesium helps your body to use energy and your muscles to function effectively. (source www.bbc.co.uk)

Fibre

A baked potato in its skin contains more fibre than two slices of wholemeal bread.

Today too much of the food we eat is processed and refined. Most of the natural fibre in the ingredients is discarded well before your mealtime. The substantial fibre you get from potatoes promotes good digestion and helps manage your body weight. It may also decrease your risk of colon cancer. It reduces existing cholesterol levels, helping to reduce the risk of heart disease.

Carbohydrate

Dieticians recommend potatoes as an easily digestible source of carbohydrate - the body’s main fuel - which your muscles need every minute of the day. The big advantage of getting your carbohydrates from potatoes rather than pasta or rice is that you also get a treasure trove of other vital nutrients but no fat. Rice contains 13x as much fat, while pasta has 5x as much!

The Glycaemic Index (GI) rates foods - including carbohydrates - for their ability to increase glucose in the blood. However, GI research is preliminary and variable and the practicality of using the index for meal planning is controversial. It’s based on looking at the effect of a person eating one item of food at a time. In daily life we constantly eat combinations of foods at every meal. The American Diabetes Association made an extensive review of the research in this area and concluded that it is the amount of carbohydrate not the particular food items that determines the total blood glucose response. (source: US potato site)

Copper + Zinc

Zinc helps the body to reach sexual maturity and aids the repair of damaged tissue. Without copper the iron in your body cannot properly form red blood cells, and that leads to anaemia. (source www.bbc.co.uk)

Low in fat

Small amounts of fat in our diet are healthy for us. The problem comes when a lot of fat is consumed, making it a major source of energy. Along with sugar it’s the worst source of energy because it brings with it very few nutrients. Even a little fat puts far more energy inside you than other sources. If it’s not used up through exercise it’s stored and you become overweight. It’s not just that your clothes don’t fit – it is proven to be a prime cause of many common, life-threatening diseases.
(source: www.bbc.co.uk)

There is a lot of media coverage of the Atkins diet at the moment. It has encouraged people to try a deliberately unbalanced diet, cutting out carbohydrates and raising their fat intake. However, the British Nutrition Foundation says one of the keys to healthy weight-loss is to eat “more carbohydrate-rich foods such as bread, potatoes, rice and pasta” and that “success is more likely if... the diet is balanced and varied”.
(source: BNF site)

Low in calories

Potatoes are not fattening. The calories in potatoes are low and potatoes form the basis of a healthy balanced diet.

A medium potato (5oz) contains little more than 100 calories. That’s about the same as a plain yogurt… or a single toffee. The big difference is that your potato is immensely more nutritious and filling. Cutting out potatoes in order to save a few calories is a poor choice because you instantly lose out on all the vitamins, minerals and fibre they are packed with. Look instead for the high-calorie low-nutrition foods you are perhaps snacking on during the day and the calorie reduction will be larger and healthier.

The reason some people have the wrong impression that potatoes are fattening is because of the way they cook and serve them. Pouring on high-calorie sauces and toppings, an unbalanced diet overall and a lack of exercise leads to being overweight – not the potatoes themselves.

How to Cook the Best

Please find the following recipes about cooking potatoes.

New Potatoes

Vegetarian

66 kcal per serving

Prep Time: 5 mins
Cook Time: 15 mins
Serves: 175g (6oz) per person

Best Potato Varieties

Recommended Serving

175g (6oz) potatoes per person

Preparation

Buy new potatoes as you need them so they are as fresh as possible, giving you the best flavour. New potatoes are delicious cooked in their skins, so simply scrub them gently to remove dirt and any loose skin before cooking.

Hob Method

Place the potatoes, halved if necessary, in a pan and cover with the minimum of boiling water. Cover with a lid and simmer gently for approximately 15-20 minutes, until just tender. Once cooked, drain immediately. New potatoes are rich in vitamin C, which dissolves into the water if the potatoes are left in it.

Serving Suggestion

These potatoes are delicious on their own or served with a knob of butter, chopped fresh mint or chives.

Tip

Add a dash of lemon juice to the cooking water to help preserve the colour of the new potatoes.

Steam Method

I recommend this type of method because the vitamins remain with the potatoes while steaming. Place the potatoes in a steamer and steam within 25 to 35 minutes or until the potatoes are done.

Microwave Method

Prepare 450g (1lb) of potatoes as above, then place in a microwaveable dish with 30ml (2 tblspn) of water. Cover and cook on full power (800w) for 7-8 minutes. Allow to stand for 1-2 minutes before serving.

Beautiful with Butter

One of the wonderful things about British new potatoes is that they are not only delicious but low in fat so you can add a little butter to your new potatoes with a clear conscience!
Simply prepare the potatoes according to the classic method on the "How to Cook the Best: New Potatoes" page and serve with one or more of the flavoured butters shown below.

Citrus Butter:

25g (1oz) Softened English butter mixed with the zest of an orange and _ a lemon and salt and pepper to taste.

Herb Butter:

25g (1oz) Softened English butter mixed with 2 x 15ml spn (2 tblspn) finely chopped fresh herbs, such as parsley, mint or chives and salt and pepper to taste.

Pesto Butter:

25g (1oz) Softened butter mixed with 1 x 5ml spn (1 tspn) red pesto and salt and pepper to taste.

Garlic Butter:

25g (1oz) Softened English butter mixed with 1-2 crushed cloves of garlic and salt and pepper to taste.

Mashed Potato

Vegetarian

You just can’t beat smooth and creamy mash potato for lip smacking taste! Follow this easy recipe below and give it a twist with apples, pesto or mustard.

Click here for more Mashed Potato recipes

Best Potato Varieties

Ingredients

700g (1lb 9oz) floury potatoes, peeled and cut into chunks
150 ml (¼pt) milk
salt
freshly ground black pepper

Method

Cook the potatoes in a pan of lightly salted boiling water or the easiest way is to steam it.
Cover with a lid and simmer for 20 minutes or until tender.
Drain the potatoes and return to the pan.
In another pan bring the milk to the boil.
Pour the milk over the potatoes and mash until smooth.
Season with little salt and pepper to taste and serve immediately.

Variations

Just a few simple ingredients can transform this classic mashed potato into the perfect partner for any dish:

Apple Mashed Potato
Add a grated red skinned eating apple, tossed in a little lemon juice to the mash just before serving.

Horseradish Mashed Potato for Roast Beef
Try adding a teaspoon or two of horseradish sauce to the mash just before serving with British Beef.

Pesto or Mustard Mashed Potato
Stir in 1-2 teaspoons of pesto or mustard per person.

Caramelised Onion Mashed Potato
Add caramelised onions to a bowl of mash to serve with beef casserole,

Herb Mashed Potato
Mix in chopped fresh herbs such as oregano or dill, which are delicious with chicken or fish, or try basil or thyme if you're serving the mash with a tomato-based dish

Roast Potatoes

Serves: 175g (6oz) Potatoes per person

Best Potato Varieties

For a crisp golden outside and fluffy insides that will have the whole family eating out of your hands try these delicious roasts. For a mouth–watering variation, roast the potatoes in olive oil with garlic and rosemary and serve with lamb.

Preparation

Peel the potatoes and cut into large even-sized chunks. Rinse under cold running water to remove the excess starch.

Method

Par boil the potatoes in lightly salted boiling water for 10 minutes.
Drain them and coat in the hot oil or fat of your choice. Use 15ml (1 tblspn) /25g (1oz) fat for each 450g (1lb) of potatoes.
Roast in an oven preheated to 200°C/425°F/Gas mark 6 for approximately 45 minutes, turning twice.
Serve immediately

Tip

Always put the potatoes into hot oil or fat (they will soak up less fat and will crisp up better). Roast potatoes will absorb the flavour of the oil or fat used, so choose accordingly: dripping or lard, rendered chicken or duck fat, corn oil, olive oil or sunflower oil are all suitable. For extra crispy roast potatoes, either score the outside of the potato with a fork after par boiling or shake the pan to roughen up the outside.

Jacket Potatoes

Vegetarian

Prep Time: 5 mins
Cook Time: 75 mins
Serves: 1 X 225g (8oz) potato per person
Oven Temperature: 200°C/400°F/Gas Mark 6,

Click here for more Jacket Potato recipes

Best Potato Varieties

Baked potatoes are simple to prepare yet extremely versatile and nutritious. They can be served as an accompaniment, or with a filling as a complete meal.

Preparation

Select even-shaped potatoes and scrub.

Oven Method

When they are cooked, make a crosswise slit in the top of each potato and squeeze gently to open out the cross.
Serve immediately, with a knob of butter in the opening if wished.

Tip

Rub a little salt into the skins before baking to make them extra crispy. If cooking an ovenful of potatoes, increase the temperature to 220°C/425°F/Gas Mark 7. Use metal skewers or baking prongs pushed through the potatoes to reduce the cooking time by up to a quarter.

Serving Suggestion

Make a meal of a baked potato by cutting the cooked potato almost in half lengthways and piling in your favourite filling.

Potato Salads

Salad potatoes now appear most of the year and are best eaten cold. Steaming the potatoes is the best way to keep all the nutrients in your potatoes and preserve their flavour.

Click here for some Salad Potato recipes

Best Potato Varieties

Steaming Salad Potatoes

Cut any larger potatoes in half so they are all about the same size. Place the potatoes in a steamer over boiling water then put a lid on and let them steam for 20-25 minutes.

When the potatoes are cooked, remove the steamer and place a clean tea cloth over them for about 4 minutes to absorb the steam.

While they are still warm, pour a dressing over them and serve.

Boiling Salad Potatoes

Cut any larger potatoes in half so they are all about the same size. Place in a pan of cold water and bring to the boil, then cook for 10 minutes of until soft but still firm.

Homemade

French Fries

Vegetarian

Prep Time: 10 mins

Cook Time: 45 mins
Serves: 450-500g (1lb-1lb 2oz) per person
Oven Temperature: 200°C/Gas Mark 6

Best Potato Varieties

Thick chips absorb less oil than thin ones, so chunkier chips are healthier. Chips are a very good source of vitamin C.

Preparation

Scrub 450-500g potatoes (preferably approx 200g in size), and cut into thick chunky chips.

Method

Coat in 2-3 tbsp of sunflower or corn oil.
Spread evenly onto a baking sheet.
Bake for 45 minutes at 200°C/Gas Mark 6, turning at least once.
Season to taste and serve immediately.

Tip

Sprinkle 1-2 teaspoons of either chilli or curry powder over the chips before coating in the oil. If you prefer, peel the potatoes before cooking.

Homemade

Potato Wedges

Prep Time: 5 mins
Cook Time: 10 mins
Serves: One 175g-225g (6-8oz) potato per person

Best Potato Varieties

Recommended Serving

One 175g-225g (6-8oz) potato per person

Preparation

Scrub the potatoes, then cut each into half lengthways, and then in half lengthways again. Repeat until you have 8 even-shaped wedges.

Microwave Method

Place the wedges in a shallow microwavable dish with 15ml (1 tblsp) water. Cover loosely and cook on full power (800w) for approximately 5-6 minutes. Allow to stand for 1 minute before draining and serving.

Hob Method

If you don’t have a microwave, prepare the potatoes as above and simmer in a pan, in the minimum amount of lightly salted boiling water for approximately 10 minutes. Drain and serve.

Oven Method

Prepare as above. Place wedges in bowl with 1 tsp olive oil and 1 tsp sweet chilli sauce per person. Stir until coated. Transfer to baking sheet and bake until tender.

Tip

Potato wedges are very versatile and can be made with almost any potato.

Serving Suggestion

Wedges can easily be turned into a tasty healthy snack. Sprinkle the cooked wedges with grated cheese and place under a hot grill for 2 minutes, or add them to casseroles to make a complete meal.

Potato Dauphinoise

Vegetarian

Prep Time: 15 mins
Cook Time: 25 mins
Serves: 4
Oven Temperature: 180˚C, gas mark 4

Best Potato Varieties

Ingredients

500g King Edward potatoes, thinly sliced
200ml double cream
100ml milk
1 clove garlic, crushed
50g Gruyere cheese, grated

Method

Preheat the oven to 180C, gas mark 4
Place the sliced potatoes in a bowl of cold water to prevent them from browning. Rinse then pat dry with kitchen paper.
Place the cream, milk and garlic in a large saucepan and bring to a gentle simmer. Add the potatoes, cover and simmer for 10 minutes until just tender. Season well.
Transfer to a buttered ovenproof dish and sprinkle over the cheese. Bake for 25 minutes until golden.

Dan Brown's new released book

2009-09-16T13:46:00.005+02:00

I am an avid fan of Dan Brown. Upon reading the release of his new book I decided to post a part of the news that I have just read :

Freemasons await Dan Brown novel `The Lost Symbol'

A woman reads a copy of the newly released book "The Lost Symbol" by Dan Brown, at a speed reading book launch event in Sydney September 15, 2009.

The Author: Dan Brown

WASHINGTON – The lodge room of the Naval Masonic Hall is a colorful and somewhat inscrutable sight for the nonmember, with its blue walls, Egyptian symbols, checkered floor in the center and high ceiling painted with gold stars.

Countless secrets supposedly have been shared in this and thousands of similar rooms of the Masons around the world. Facts of life have been debated, honors bestowed, rituals enacted. You would need to belong to a lodge to learn what really goes on.

Or you could simply ask.

"The emphasis on secrecy is something that disturbs people," says Joseph Crociata, a burly, deep-voiced man who is a trial attorney by profession but otherwise a Junior Grand Warden at the Grand Lodge of Free and Accepted Masons of the District of Columbia.

"But it's not a problem getting Masons to talk about Masonry. Sometimes, it's a problem getting them to stop."

Despite all the books and Web sites dedicated to Freemasons, the Masonic Order has been defined by mystery, alluring enough to claim Mozart and George Washington as members, dark enough to be feared by the Vatican, Islamic officials, Nazis and Communists. In the United States, candidates in the 19th-century ran for office on anti-Mason platforms and John Quincy Adams declared that "Masonry ought forever to be abolished."

And now arrives Dan Brown.

Six years after Brown intrigued millions of readers, and infuriated scholars and religious officials, with "The Da Vinci Code," he has set his new novel, "The Lost Symbol," in Washington and probed the fraternal order that well suits his passion for secrets, signs and puzzles.

Brown's book, released Tuesday, has an announced first printing of 5 million copies and topped the best-seller lists of Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble online. At Kramerbooks in Washington, about two dozen copies were purchased the morning it went on sale and the store expects to easily sell out its order of 150 books.

In "The Lost Symbol," symbolist Robert Langdon is on a mission to find a Masonic pyramid containing a code that unlocks an ancient secret to "unfathomable power." It's a story of hidden history in the nation's capital, with Masons the greatest puzzle of all.

Brown's research for "The Da Vinci Code" was highly criticized by some Catholics for suggesting that Jesus and Mary Magdalene conceived a child and for portraying Opus Dei — the conservative religious order — as a murderous, power-hungry sect.

The Mason response could well be milder. Brown goes out of his way in "The Lost Symbol" to present the lodge as essentially benign and misunderstood. Masons are praised for their religious tolerance and their elaborate rituals are seen as no more unusual than those of formal religions. The plot centers in part on an "unfair" anti-Masonic video that "conspiracy theorists would feed on ... like sharks," Langdon says.

"I have enormous respect for the Masons," Brown told The Associated Press during a recent interview. "In the most fundamental terms, with different cultures killing each other over whose version of God is correct, here is a worldwide organization that essentially says, `We don't care what you call God, or what you think about God, only that you believe in a god and let's all stand together as brothers and look in the same direction.'

"I think there will be an enormous number of people who will be interested in the Masons after this book (comes out)," Brown said.

Crociata and other Washington Masons expressed amusement, concern, resignation and excitement about Brown's novel. Crociata anticipates a "page-turner," like "The Da Vinci Code," and assumes, for the sake of a "good read," that Brown will make the Masons seem more interesting than they actually are.

Fellow Mason Kirk McNulty can't wait to read the novel: "Dan Brown is a writer of fiction; he's not writing an article for the Encyclopedia Britannica. Whatever he says is OK. But it would be better if he says something nice about Freemasonry."

Mason Michael Seay says some members are "not pleased about all the hoopla," but sees the attention as a chance to "get our story across." Lodge member Darryl Carter says he expects some "artistic license" and senses from conversations with other Masons that they expect to benefit from the attention.

"We welcome Dan Brown doing his work because Masonry has not had the kind of popularity that it once did and that a work by somebody of Dan Brown's caliber could really attract people to Masonry," Carter says.

The Freemasons date back to the Middle Ages, to associations of workmen who built cathedrals in Britain, though some also believe in a connection to ancient times with the mines where King Solomon took material for his Temple. Freemasonry has endured, and transformed. The British began to accept members who were not stonemasons and by the 1700s, lodges were being called "speculative," philosophical societies rather than worker guilds.

The Masons, Crociata and others emphasize, are not a political or religious organization. No theology beyond the belief in a divine being is required and no causes are advocated beyond millions of dollars in annual contributions to children's hospitals, cancer wards and other charities.

"This is the world's oldest fraternity and it has an old and distinguished history," Crociata says. "There's much beauty to be found in its ritual. On the other hand, it's a fraternity, not a religion. It's a place to get together with guys that you know, that you trust, that you are willing to trust. A place where you can speak from the heart, if you want."

No official gathering is taking place at the hall on this recent afternoon, so it's all right for a reporter to have a look around. The Naval Masonic room has features common to other lodges, such as the Mason emblem, a set square and compass and letter "G" (for both God and Geometry), and some decorative images, such as the Egyptian-styled eyes and snakes painted throughout.

Brown's book moves quickly among such Washington landmarks as the Library of Congress and the Washington Monument and draws upon the Masons' very public presence in Washington, dating back more than 200 years.

George Washington used a Masonic gavel and trowel in 1793 as he lay the cornerstone of the U.S. Capitol. The same trowel would be included 55 years later when President James K. Polk, a Mason, presided over the laying of the cornerstone of the Washington Monument, and again in 1907 when President Theodore Roosevelt, also a Mason, laid a cornerstone for a Masonic temple.

According to "Freemasons for Dummies" author Christopher Hodapp (his book is so well regarded at the Naval lodge in Washington that it's kept in a glass cabinet outside the meeting room), membership peaked in the United States just after World War II, when there were close to 5 million Masons.

The number dropped in the 1960s, when the Masons seemed hopelessly antiquated to a rebellious generation, and dropped again in the late 1980s as older members died. Hodapp, himself a Mason based in Indianapolis, says there are now around 1.5 million in the U.S. and 3 million worldwide.

"But it's picking up again, in part because of people like Brown and (novelist) Brad Meltzer ('Book of Lies,' 'Book of Fate'). Younger men are seeing popular references to it. We're also seeing people from single-parent households who don't have that kind of brotherhood feeling you get in the lodge," Hodapp says.

Meetings at the Naval Masonic room are presided over by a Master who sits in a high-backed chair on the East side of the room, in honor of where the sun rises. On the South and West are chairs for the top aides, the senior warden and the junior warden. Only the North, "a place of Masonic darkness" (a belief related to the lighting of Solomon's Temple) is not represented.

Every lodge has an altar on which is placed a holy book, or books. A Bible is usually there, but because only a belief in a higher being is required, a Quran or other religious text might be found, depending on the religious faith of the members present. The black and white squares of the checkered floor below the altar represent "good" and "evil," terms the Masons resist defining too closely.

"As far as what is good and bad for any individual ... the idea is to inspire thought on some of the important questions of life on the minds of our members so that they can go home and think about them and draw their own conclusions," Crociata says.

Would-be members pass through three degrees of acceptance: Entered Apprentice, Fellow Craft and Master Mason. In "The Lost Symbol," Brown describes an initiation ceremony that Hodapp says is essentially accurate. A man is blindfolded, has a dagger pressed against his chest and is instructed to vow that, "uninfluenced by mercenary or any other unworthy motive," he will offer himself as "a candidate for the mysteries and privileges of this brotherhood."

Brown is not a Mason, but said that working on the novel helped him imagine a time when religious prejudice would disappear and added that he found the Masonic philosophy a "beautiful blueprint for human spirituality."

He was tempted to join, but, "If you join the Masons you take a vow of secrecy. I could not have written this book if I were a Mason," he says.

And now?

"They've let me know the door is always open."

By HILLEL ITALIE, AP National Writer

How to Eat After a Stroke

2009-09-12T15:59:00.002+02:00

Overview

According to the University of Maryland Medical Center, every 40 seconds, someone in the United States has a stroke. Among the typical causes of stroke are certain medical conditions and diet. When someone has a diet that's high in fat and cholesterol, they are clogging up the arteries and veins that supply good oxygenated blood to the heart and brain by creating plaques that stick to the artery and vein walls. Eventually, the brain doesn't get enough blood and a stroke occurs. Once you've had a stroke, diet will again play a key role in determining your risk of having another. A proper diet will reduce your risk of high blood pressure, diabetes, coronary artery disease and obesity; common factors known to lead to strokes.

1

Eat several times during the day at preset times. Many people who have had a stroke tend to forget to eat when faced with the concept of three meals a day. It is recommended that if eating becomes a problem, you eat more smaller meals more often during the day. This will not only keep you full of nutrients, eating several small meals is a proven way to stabilize the blood sugar in our system thus making it less likely to be affected by diabetes or issues with blood pressure.

2

Eat lots of fruit and vegetables. Besides being extremely low in fat, cholesterol and bad carbohydrates, fruit and vegetables are great for keeping your system loaded with antioxidants and for hyperactivating the immune system. Antioxidants are one of the main ways our body fights free radicals (the chief agents in aging and low oxygen levels) suppling our blood stream with a rich level of oxygen for the heart and brain. The vitamins available in fruits and vegetables also effect how our bodies fight germs and bacteria because they stimulate the immune system which can then destroy any potentially dangerous substances.

3

Eat low fat, high carbohydrate foods. Foods like white meat (chicken), low fat dairy, nuts and grains are another healthy alternative for eating after a stroke. Because one of the most common causes of stroke is heart disease, eating high carbs and low fats will help you to regain the clean, healthy arteries that could have led to the stroke in the first place. Foods like red meat and high-fat dairy products can be substituted with these healthy alternatives.

In some ways, a mild stroke could be the best thing to happen to you. A stroke is a wake-up call that you are not eating right, that you're not getting enough exercise, and that you are not treating your body the way it needs to be treated if you want to have a long and healthy life. The good news is that you can change your bad eating habits and, in effect, get a whole new lease on life. Cutting the grease, the fat, the cholesterol and the salt from your diet will help you to both lose weight and lower your blood pressure--two things that help prevent a second stroke. It's not easy to break old habits--but the specter of death hanging over you if you don't is certainly a great incentive.

Instructions:

Step 1

Cut out fried or greasy foods. They contribute to clogged arteries and obesity--two things you don't need when you are recovering from a stroke.
Step 2

Reduce your intake of cholesterol and trans fats. Read labels. This means reducing your intake of butter, meat products (especially fatty meat), eggs, stick margarine, cheese and snack foods with partially hydrogenated vegetable oils or fats. Use 1 percent (skim) milk.
Step 3

Lower your intake of sodium (salt). Limit your total daily intake to 2,000mg a day (read labels and keep track), or 1,500mg daily if you also have high blood pressure.
Step 4

Eat high-fiber foods, such as whole-grain breads; whole fresh fruits; whole-wheat pastas; brown rice; green, leafy vegetables; and beans.
Step 5

Eat smaller portions (3 to 4 oz. maximum) more often throughout the day. Having six small meals is better for your overall health--especially after a stroke--than eating the traditional three large meals.

9/11 2001

2009-09-12T00:20:00.003+02:00

Remembering the 9/11

"All of a sudden there were people screaming. I saw people jumping out of the building. Their arms were flailing. I stopped taking pictures and started crying."
--Michael Walters, a free-lance photo journalist in Manhattan.

Thousands of lives were suddenly ended by evil, despicable acts of terror. The pictures of airplanes flying into buildings, fires burning, huge structures collapsing, have filled us with disbelief, terrible sadness and a quiet, unyielding anger.
--George W. Bush

So what do we do?

Don't overreact some say. We aren't.

We haven't lashed out. No missiles on the first night just for effect.

Don't kill innocent people. We are not the ones who waged war on the innocent. We seek the guilty.

Look for a diplomatic solution. There is no diplomacy with Bin Laden or the Taliban regime.

State an ultimatum and get their response. We stated the ultimatum; they haven't responded.

Understand the causes of terror. Yes, we should try, but let there be no moral ambiguity about this: nothing could ever justify the events of 11 September, and it is to turn justice on its head to pretend it could.

The action we take will be proportionate; targeted; we will do all we humanly can to avoid civilian casualties. But understand what we are dealing with. Listen to the calls of those passengers on the planes. Think of the children on them, told they were going to die.

Think of the cruelty beyond our comprehension as amongst the screams and the anguish of the innocent, those hijackers drove at full throttle planes laden with fuel into buildings where tens of thousands worked.

They have no moral inhibition on the slaughter of the innocent. If they could have murdered not 7,000 but 70,000 does anyone doubt they would have done so and rejoiced in it?

There is no compromise possible with such people, no meeting of minds, no point of understanding with such terror.

Just a choice: defeat it or be defeated by it. And defeat it we must.
--British Prime Minister Tony Blair

Headache

2009-09-07T09:12:00.002+02:00

Foods that could trigger a nasty headache

My friend Charlene pinged me. She had a miserable headache over the weekend. It wasn't just any miserable headache -- it was a miserable headache caused by citrus.

After retracing her day, Charlene realized that the three delicious tangerines were the culprit. She thought she was just enjoying a very tasty, healthy snack, but she was also triggering pain.

Some experts say that citrus and other foods may trigger headaches because the people consuming them may have an enzyme deficiency. The enzyme they are lacking is necessary for neutralizing amines in foods. Some foods have large quantities of amines, and without the enzyme, headaches (and even migraines) can be stimulated.

Still, gobbling up an orange (or three) might seem harmless. If you are one of the 28 million Americans who suffer from migraines, taking note of how foods affect your body could be critical in preventing future headaches. One new theory is that craving certain foods could also signal a coming migraine. These kinds of migraines are also made more unpredictable because eating the food may not trigger pain every single time, and because food could team up with other triggers (like bright lights or stress) to induce a migraine.

Some other foods and beverages thought to trigger headaches include:

Aged cheese and those cheeses containing tyramine, a natural substance that builds up as food ages. Tyramine in high levels has been shown to cause hypertension, which is a particular concern for people who take MAO inhibitor medication to treat migraines. Blue cheese, brie, cheddar, Stilton, feta, gorgonzola, mozzarella, muenster, Parmesan, Swiss, and processed cheeses often contain high levels of tyramine.

Other salted, cured, processed, and canned foods that are high in tyramine. Take note of how your body reacts when you eat pickles, olives, and canned soups. Beans can also contain headache-triggering tyramine, especially fava, pinto, garbanzo, and lima beans.

Alcohol, which could prompt headaches as it is metabolized in the body. Pay particular attention when you drink red wine, beer, whiskey, and champagne, which have been identified as triggers.

There is a long list of foods that headache and migraine sufferers say cause their pain. Some of them might surprise you, including:

Peanuts and peanut butter
Potato chips
Pizza
Fresh fruits like kiwi, plums, and raspberries
Bread and crackers

Five Things You Didn't Know About: Headaches

When I have a headache, I have a checklist I immediately go through just before I dig through my purse for a lone ibuprofen with a half-a-fuzzy-Altoid chaser:

If I have not yet main-lined a caffeine source, am I at least on my way to the coffee maker for a cup?

Have I recently consumed eight glasses or whatever the amount of water the nice news lady reports is appropriate this week?

Is the child screaming/ vomiting/ Mommy!-Mommy!-Mommy-ing!/ home for some contrived preschool holiday?

If caffeine, hydration or a small child are not the reason for my headache, I can go ahead with the ibuprofen and move on with my day. But what about headaches that fall outside the boundaries of kids and coffee? What about the nastiness of recurring headaches or why your temples ache when you wear certain headbands or you feel awful whenever your co-worker meets the UPS guy wearing that one flirty perfume? What then?

Since we all get them at some point and since we've all likely had no reason why or experienced them for odd reasons, why not explore five little facts about headaches that might help us prevent or understand what's going on in our noggins:

1. Your perfumes, lotions and other highly-scented culprits can be a killer. According to this headache specialist, although you may like certain smells, they may also be activating nerve cells in your nose. In turn, crank up the nerve system responsible for head pain. If you are bothered by certain scents or feel bombarded (just walk through the detergent aisle for a sample of scent over-stimulation), try to go fragrance free in as much of your life as possible. Of course, you can't control the man on the bus who clearly bathed in Drakkar Noir, but you can clear your home, workspace, body and clothing of as many triggers as possible.

2. You're most likely having a tension headache. Sure, you can keep blaming your boss or your wonky Blackberry or even the spreadsheet you've been reading for seven hours straight. The reality is that the stress you are experiencing is not only responsible for bringing on the pain but for the accompanying contractions of the scalp, neck and facial muscles. Ninety percent of headaches are tension related and usually disappear when the stress goes away. Warm showers or compresses on the neck, shoulders and scalp are among the recommended treatments. However, since your (ahem) boss might not be keen on that during staff meetings, simple massage techniques or neck exercises might help alleviate the muscle contractions and pain. Tension headaches can be really problematic for some people -- including anxiety,pain doing daily things like holding the phone or chewing gum, or acute or chronic tension headaches -- and if you are among them, prescription medication, physical therapy, antidepressents or meeting with a counselor may help.

3. Your period's more than a pain in your...ummm, uterus. Hormone-related or menstrual migraines make all that bleeding, rifling for please-help-me-one-last-tampon in your gym bag and general crankiness all the more unfair and real when you have a period. This article says that women have migraines three times more often than men and of the females suffering from them, 70% are likely to have menstrual migraines. Fluctuating levels of estrogen and progesterone make women more apt to have a headache. One of the many treatments for migraines (check in with your doc to talk about what would work best for you) is acupuncture (hmmm, do you think that would work on the salty-sweet cravings too?).

4. Your pretty ponytail, chandelier earrings and workout headbands might be giving you a "cranial cramp." The connective tissue in your scalp could be irritated by any head gear that's too tight or earrings that are too heavy. These headaches might also be due to skin sensitivity related to migraines and might be a warning sign that a whopper is on its way. I know you'll choose relief over sassiness, and simply loosening or repositioning your ponytail, ditching the earrings or letting your locks free should help.

5. Your treatment option might not come in a pill. Some people find relief for headaches of all kinds in alternatives to drugs. Fresh peppermint, essential oil of oregano, rinsing the nose with a saline solution of salt and warm water, reflexology, massage and addressing stress and applying stress management techniques are all natural methods of coping with headaches. Be sure to keep your doctor updated on the alternative therapies you are interested in or are using. Wouldn't it be wonderful for you if relief was just a sniff or spa visit away?

Surprising Cures for Headaches

When a headache hits, the discomfort can be a real pain in the neck—not to mention the pounding pressure it imparts on your skull. For many people, medication is often the first line of defense, but did you know there are other ways to tame your pain? If you have persistent headaches, see your doctor for treatment, but in the meantime, here are some unexpected ways to ease your aches.

Botox

It may be best known for smoothing out wrinkles, but this wonder toxin also works magic on headache pain. “Botox relaxes the muscles that are contracted thanks to your headache,” says Traci Purath, MD, medical director of Comprehensive Headache Care at Wheaton Franciscan Medical Group in Franklin, Wisconsin. “It blocks sensory nerves that relay pain to the brain and eases tension in the forehead and the back of the neck,” she says. About eight injections, which feel like tiny pinpricks, are administered in the areas where the pain occurs. The effects start to kick in about eight to 10 days later. Treatments are recommended no more than every three months.

Acupuncture

A little alternative assistance can be the trick to treat your aching head. “Acupuncture works the mind-body connection to help patients be in tune with their pain,” says Dr. Purath. Needles are placed on specific pain sensory areas on the neck, forehead and cheeks to redirect the pain. “The body learns to readjust its level of pain and desensitize the pathways over time,” she adds. The needles are so tiny you can barely feel them. In fact, some patients report feeling an overall sense of relaxation, says Dr. Purath. Treatment may be needed for several months, but the benefits can last up to a year.

Sex

Fess up: How many times have you used the excuse of a headache to get out of a little lovin’ with your husband? Well, sorry to say, that free pass just won’t fly anymore, since sex can actually help relieve a headache. “Natural endorphins and other pain-relieving hormones are released during orgasm, which help you to relax and give you a sense of calm,” says Dr. Purath. The effects are fleeting, though, so be prepared with a backup pain blocker.

Exercise

If you experience headaches regularly and also need an incentive to trim that tush, exercise can help. “When you get moving, you improve your stamina, reduce stress and sleep more soundly,” says Jan Brandes, MD, assistant clinical professor of neurology at Vanderbilt University. “The more rigorous the exercise—jogging, fast walking, swimming—the more you’ll reduce pain associated with tension headaches,” she adds. However, if you are experiencing a migraine, regular exercise can actually make it worse, so be sure to take it easy!

Water

Here’s another reason to get your eight glasses of H2O each and every day: Dehydration is one of the biggest causes of headaches. “When the body isn’t getting enough water, it begins to preserve the fluid it’s already storing and looks for ways to signal that it’s out of whack (i.e., by way of headaches or migraines),” says Dr. Purath. The good news is, drinking up can immediately cure the discomfort. To keep your body in balance, drink eight to 10 8-ounce glasses of water a day. But don’t overdo it; overloading on liquids can diminish your electrolytes and sodium levels.

Snacking

You’re finally home from a long day at the office; your head is pounding, and you suddenly realize why: It’s been hours since you’ve last eaten! When you go too long without food, your blood sugar levels plummet, causing a hypoglycemic headache, says Dr. Purath. It’s the body’s way of saying, “Feed me, I’m hungry!” Grabbing a good-for-you munchie like an apple will get rid of your ache immediately and help bring your blood sugar levels back to normal. Resist the temptation to grab a candy bar for a sugar fix; it’ll spike your blood sugar and you’ll end up crashing later on, says Dr. Purath. Here’s a bit of food for thought: Though healthy, bananas have actually been known to trigger headaches!

Caffeine

Besides waking you up from a sleep-induced stupor, that morning cup of joe may have an unexpected benefit: Limited amounts of caffeine can help control headache pain, says Dr. Brandes. Plus, caffeine can help the body better absorb migraine medication through the stomach lining. And it can also curb pain at the onset of a headache by constricting blood vessels. For some people, though, caffeine causes headaches, so consume with caution.

Sleep

These days, getting that elusive eight hours of shut-eye seems harder than ever, but if you suffer from headaches, too little (or even too much) sleep can cause one. Your body needs at least seven hours of uninterrupted sleep to refresh and replenish itself in order for the headache to disappear, says Dr. Purath. Try to stick to a regular schedule of going to bed and getting up at the same time each day. Over- or under-sleeping, by even just an hour or two, can trigger a migraine.

Journaling

Your fourth-grade self had the right idea by keeping track of all your crushes. Take a page out of her book by getting a diary to record your daily food and beverage intake. You’ll be able to pinpoint any triggers that may be causing your headaches. For example, if you notice that you only seem to get headaches around barbecues, the culprit could be hot dogs. “For some people, the nitrates in hot dogs can cause headaches,” says Dr. Brandes. You can also identify what’s not causing your headache. You may be blaming chocolate for your migraines, but in the initial stages of a migraine, some people experience food cravings. So, if you’re hankering for a hunk of chocolate, it’s the migraine, not the chocolate that’s to blame.

Biofeedback

It may sound (and look) like something out of a sci-fi flick, but for some sufferers, managing headache pain is all about mind over matter. Like classical conditioning (think Pavlov’s dog), biofeedback involves monitoring your body’s response to pain and being able to control the sensation so that it’s manageable, says Dr. Purath. Electrodes are connected to your forehead, forearm and neck—the areas that tense up the most during a headache—and hooked up to a monitor, so you can see the muscles actually tightening. Over time, your brain will remember seeing your muscles contract and will learn to relax them. About six to eight sessions are needed for results.

13 Things a Burglar Won't Tell You Interviews by Michelle Crouch

2009-08-31T20:49:00.002+02:00

Should you spend your money on a home security system? A look inside a burglar's mind might help you decide.

1. Of course I look familiar. I was here just last week cleaning your carpets, painting your shutters, or delivering your new refrigerator.

2. Hey, thanks for letting me use the bathroom when I was working in your yard last week. While I was in there, I unlatched the back window to make my return a little easier.

3. Love those flowers. That tells me you have taste … and taste means there are nice things inside. Those yard toys your kids leave out always make me wonder what type of gaming system they have.

4. Yes, I really do look for newspapers piled up on the driveway. And I might leave a pizza flyer in your front door to see how long it takes you to remove it.

5. If it snows while you’re out of town, get a neighbor to create car and foot tracks into the house. Virgin drifts in the driveway are a dead giveaway.

6. If decorative glass is part of your front entrance, don’t let your alarm company install the control pad where I can see if it’s set. That makes it too easy.

7. A good security company alarms the window over the sink. And the windows on the second floor, which often access the master bedroom—and your jewelry. It’s not a bad idea to put motion detectors up there too.

8. It’s raining, you’re fumbling with your umbrella, and you forget to lock your door—understandable. But understand this: I don’t take a day off because of bad weather.

9. I always knock first. If you answer, I’ll ask for directions somewhere or offer to clean your gutters. (Don’t take me up on it.)

10. Do you really think I won’t look in your sock drawer? I always check dresser drawers, the bedside table, and the medicine cabinet.

11. Here's a helpful hint: I almost never go into kids' rooms.

12. You're right: I won’t have enough time to break into that safe where you keep your valuables. But if it's not bolted down, I'll take it with me.

13. A loud TV or radio can be a better deterrent than the best alarm system. If you’re reluctant to leave your TV on while you’re out of town, you can buy a $35 device that works on a timer and simulates the flickering glow of a real television. (Find it at faketv.com.)

Sources: Convicted burglars in North Carolina, Oregon, California, and Kentucky; security consultant Chris McGoey, who runs crimedoctor.com; and Richard T. Wright, a criminology professor at the University of Missouri–St. Louis, who interviewed 105 burglars for his book Burglars on the Job.

Child Safety: 5 Backyard Dangers to Avoid

2009-07-13T16:18:00.003+02:00

Child Safety: 5 Backyard Dangers to Avoid

Millions of people are injured and thousands are killed each year in household mishaps. Here, common mistakes to avoid this summer.

#1 PLAYGROUND SETS
The Danger: Kids climbing on equipment too high for their age, doubling the chances of injury during falls.

How to Stay Safe: Children 5 and under shouldn't climb higher than 6 feet; for school-age kids, the limit is 8 feet.

#2 LAWNMOWERS
The Danger: Not clearing yard of debris before mowing; kids falling off parents' laps on riding mowers; hands too close to blade.

How to Stay Safe: Clear yard of large sticks and rocks; shut off mower when reaching near blades; never let children near or on a mower.

#3 GAS GRILLS
The Danger: Grilling too close to the house; leak or break in gas line; leaving grill unattended.

How to Stay Safe: Keep grill 3 feet from house. To check gas line, slather with dish soap; if it bubbles, replace.

See also: Grilling safety tips

#4 TRAMPOLINES
The Danger: Falling, colliding with others, performing stunts.

How to Stay Safe: No multiple jumpers, somersaults or kids under 6 allowed.

#5 LADDERS
The Danger: Ladder base too close to supporting object, so it tips; loss of balance from overreaching or standing on a rung that's too high.

How to Stay Safe: For each 4 feet of distance between ground and upper contact point, move base out 1 foot. Don't stand higher than fourth rung from top.

From Reader's Digest

360 degrees panorama

2009-07-01T19:34:00.003+02:00

How the crown of the Statue of Liberty (Liberty Island, NY) looks like at the inside?

Crown view

please click the link if you want to know...

click to see the 360° panorama

Surprising Ways to Reduce Wrinkles

2009-06-30T20:42:00.003+02:00

I found this site that tells us about natural way in reducing wrinkles...

wanna try?

Find it out..

Wrinkles Pictures Slideshow: Surprising Ways to Reduce Wrinkles

4 Historical Text Messages

2009-06-29T13:18:00.005+02:00

How would the course of history have been altered had there been text messaging? These 4 funny cartoons show you!

Calorie Myth Busters

2009-06-28T22:59:00.003+02:00

Counting your Calories

How many times have we all tried to cut back calories? While we’re all aware of the straightforward fact that consuming fewer calories leads to weight loss, this strategy is more important than just the no-brainer method it seems to be. Find out what’s for real and what’s just hype.

Myth: Cutting carbs rather than calories is more effective weight loss

According to a recent study from The New England Journal of Medicine, a cut back in calories is a more effective diet than one that calls for low protein, carbohydrates or fat. All in all, it’s not the time of day, the combinations or the nutrition content of the food you eat—it’s the plain and simple amount of calories you’re consuming that will really help you manage your weight in the long run

Myth: Use reduced-fat peanut butter to cut calories

The difference between reduced-fat peanut butter and regular peanut butter actually won’t make a difference in your calorie intake. One serving of creamy peanut butter has the same amount of calories as one serving of reduced-fat creamy peanut butter—about 190 calories for two tablespoons. In addition, peanut butter with or without salt also has the same amount of calories. For a lower-calorie spread, try PB2 Powdered Peanut Butter, at only 50 calories for two tablespoons..

Myth: Salads are never high in calories

Just because you’re eating a bowl full of mostly veggies doesn’t mean it’s a low calorie meal. Throw in an avocado and you’ve already boosted your meal another 235 calories. Though avocadoes are healthy in many ways, steer clear of the green veggie when trying to cut calories. Your salad dressing choice can make or break your calorie count, so be careful. Sprinkle on some Italian dressing and you’ve added over one hundred calories to your salad. A healthier and lower calorie option is oil and vinegar.

Myth: My morning coffee doesn't add on that many calories to my diet

We’re not telling you not to drink your coffee. But what we are telling you to do is keep your eyes open when you add sweeteners, milk, cream, etc. Coffee-Mate’s powder version of its fat-free French vanilla flavor has 10 more calories than the regular French vanilla powder. Surprised? You’re not alone.

Myth: Frozen yogurt is a good low calorie option for a sweet treat

If you’re going for the sweet treat, choosing yogurt over ice cream is commonly the way to go. However, always find out about the nutritional information of the frozen yogurt you’re getting. At almost 200 calories for one serving (1/2 cup) of Ben & Jerry’s low fat frozen yogurt, you could get the same serving of Breyer’s ice cream for 70 less calories.

Myth: It doesn't matter how many nuts I eat because they're so small

While they may be small in size, nuts can be large in calories. Nuts serve as a nutritious snack—in moderation. We all know the feeling of seeing a bowl of nuts one minute, and ten minutes later that bowl has been mysteriously emptied. Remember, it’s all about moderation. Just 14 cashews bring you to 163 calories. So next time you’re munching on nuts, try not to go overboard.

Are You Really A Bad Mom?

2009-06-23T14:07:00.003+02:00

Typology of the Bad Mother

There has been a lot of talk lately about bad mothers. Is bad good or is bad bad? I linked to one of the discussions on this issue in my post yesterday newspapers seem peppered with them the past few days too.

and the

I think part of the problem with the whole conversation is that there is no consistent definition of what a bad mother is. Each person defines it differently. As someone that likes to organize or classify things, I keep getting dizzy when reading these articles because I don't know what they are talking about half of the time and I'm not sure they know either.

So I started thinking about what a bad mother is. I thought about some of the things I had read. I asked people whether they would consider themselves bad mothers and how they would define a bad mother. All of that with the intent of coming up with this typology of the bad mother.

When you think about a bad mother, what do you envision?

Here are the types I have discovered so far:

Neglectful or abusive and don't know better: Some moms have been dealt the wrong deck of cards in life. They may have grown up being abused or were neglected. That is the only type of parenting they know and they are just continuing the cycle. Others maybe really didn't want to be parents and just don't care enough to try to be a good parent. As an example, @mirandababy considers her mother a bad mother: "Neglectful even to this day, unresponsive, uninterested and completely disassociated". Some moms, like @AmberStrocel who blogs at Strocel would restrict the "bad mother" category to those that are truly neglecting or abusing their kids and don't care to change that.

Kids don't come first: There are moms who admit that they love their husband more than their kids and will always put their husband's needs first. Obviously all moms need to balance the needs of all family members, but these moms have established a specific ranking order where the kids are decidedly not first. Those that put their husband first include Ayelet Waldman author of Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace and blogger Zaida Grunes (@manhattanspeaks).

Not perfect and oblivious: There are mothers that are not perfect and don't realize that they are making poor decisions. According to @emilyjh75 "Everyone makes bad choices sometimes. Bad choices do not define her as a bad mother. Unless, IMO, she refuses to recognize them and continues in bad decisions." Or put another way, @nicolemarr from Grudge Mom says "bad parenting is making mistakes and not learning from them. Like repeatedly letting them fall off a couch".

Not perfect and doing the best they can: A lot of moms recognize that they are not perfect, but they realize that there is only so much that they can do or should do. They realize, like @doudoubebe @jmegan, that they are the best parent they can be. Some might consider this synonymous with the Good Enough Mother concept and others would say that they while they accept what they did wrong today or yesterday, they are going to continue to try to be a better parent tomorrow.
that everyone has bad days. Or they feel, like

Not perfect and feel guilty about it: Then there are other mothers that know they are not perfect and feel guilty about it. For some, it may be debilitating guilt, enough to trigger depression or worse. For others, it is occasional questioning whether stumbling through is good enough or wondering if there is a way to repair past mistakes. These mothers may feel overwhelmed by too few hours in the day (@ewiller), or not enough energy (@fentonslee), or just a desire to be able to do more (@scunning).

Overindulging: On the opposite end of the spectrum from wanting to do more are those moms that do too much. While they probably wouldn't consider themselves bad moms, there is research on overindulgence that suggests that doing too much for your kids can have negative consequences. These mothers are criticized for not giving their children an opportunity to learn how to do things for themselves or to make decisions for themselves.

Going against the mainstream on purpose: Some moms get called bad moms because they have made choices that are different from the mainstream. However, these moms have made those choices on purpose because they think it is the best thing for their child. These are not neglectful parents. These are parents that have carefully considered the options and, for example, decided that extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, or not vaccinating is the best choice. Other parents may let their children do things that are considered dangerous or shocking by others, ranging from unstructured play to riding the NYC subway alone, because they think it is an important developmental experience

Worried about or bothered by what others think: There are women who let other people define whether they are a good mother or not. Whether it is comments on a blog post, looks at the playground, or just seeing someone else do something they couldn't do, these moms feel like bad moms because they aren't being the type of mother that society expects them to be. @Kathryn_Easter says that "as Moms we compare ourselves to other Moms and feel like we don't like up to certain standard" and she also admits to having parented differently in some cases just because she was in a public place. Perhaps we all do this a little bit...most people want to fit in, be liked, be admired.

Bad and proud of it: For some moms, it seems like being a bad mom is becoming a competition. It is the new black. The in thing.They always try to one-up each other: "You think that's bad, well how about this?". There are whole websites set up just for moms to confess how bad they have been and while the initial intent may have been good (e.g. let moms get something off their chest), they seem to quickly degenerate into a competition about who was most neglectful or abusive. Don Mills Diva, for one, is not interested in jumping onto this bandwagon as she said in her post Why the bad mother trend is not good : "I have my struggles, like everyone, and while I might occasionally write about them in a humorous fashion, I'm not interested in endlessly tapping the vein of faux self deprecation for shock value or cheap laughs or sympathy. Or to be trendy." She would rather just be a very good mom.

Bad...and a mother: Then there are those women who consider themselves bad. Perhaps they are what James Dean would have called a rebel without a cause. Or they are just your garden variety trouble maker. They aren't necessarily bad mothers. They just happen to be bad...and be a mother. Perhaps they are raising the next generation of hoodlums or perhaps their kids will rebel against their badness.

Not all mothers necessarily fall into the same category every day or some mothers may fall into several of these categories all of the time. This list isn't intended to pigeon hole any one mother into a specific category because mothering is complex and our relationships with our children are complex. But I did want to take the whole "bad mother" conversation one step forward by trying to put some definitions around the different things that sometimes get defined as "bad" because I don't think we are all talking about the same thing when we talk about a bad mother.

I also want to say that like @AmberStrocel, I'm going to reserve the term "bad mother" for those that are truly abusive or neglectful. That isn't to say that I'm lining up to give "mother of the year" awards to every other type I've described, but I don't think that it is helpful for me or anyone else to label someone as a bad mother if they are doing their best. Instead I think we should stop glamourizing "bad", we should offer a helping hand to those that are struggling, we should be confident in our own parenting, and we should continue to think about how we could improve.

As for me, I have no interest in being a bad mother. I don't plan to do wrong by my kids in order to make friends. I don't feel like I need to beat myself up for the things I can't do. I don't feel like I need to accept that I am good enough, because I like being a work in progress. I do go against the mainstream sometimes (okay maybe more than sometimes), but I have good reasons for it and I won't let other people call me a bad mother for doing it (so there Ontario coroner).

Does your child suffers with headaches associated with vomiting?

2008-04-18T08:34:00.004+02:00

Migraine Headache in Children Treatment
Self-Care at Home

Sleep is the best treatment for a migraine. Sleep restores normal brain function, relieves pain, and resolves many associated migraine symptoms. Doctor-prescribed or recommended pain-relieving drugs should be given to the child migraineur.

Medical Treatment

Medical treatment of migraine headaches in children is based on the following: (1) education of children and parents about migraine triggers, (2) creation of a plan of immediate treatment for the attacks, and (3) consideration of preventive medicines or measures for children with frequent migraines.

Education

The doctor should explain the disease to the child and the parents. The treatment of children with mild, infrequent migraine attacks consists mainly of rest, trigger avoidance, and stress reduction.

The doctor should also assure parents that the headache is not caused by a brain tumor or other life-threatening condition. A regular bedtime, strict meal schedules, and not overloading the child with too many activities are important. Helping the child recognize migraine triggers is helpful but often difficult. Getting rid of migraine triggers reduces the frequency of headaches in some children but does not completely stop occurrences. A headache diary can be used to record triggers and features of attacks. Triggering factors that occur up to 12 hours before an attack should be noted. Other important factors to include are as follows:

* Date and time the attack started

* Type and location of headache pain

* Symptoms before the headache

* All food and drink consumed

* Bedtime, wake time, and quality of sleep

* Menstrual periods or female hormones (if applicable)

* Activities before the headache

* Medications taken and their effects

Unfortunately, even the most diligent people cannot always identify specific migraine triggers.

Immediate treatment

At the time of attack, parents should have the child lie down in a cool, dark, quiet room to help him or her fall asleep. Sleep is the most powerful and best antimigraine treatment. During a migrainous attack, a child can often be found resting in the fetal position with the affected side of the head down. Some children find that ice or pressure on the affected artery can reduce pain for a short time. Nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs) are effective if taken at a high but appropriate dose during the aura or early headache phase. Common over-the-counter (OTC) NSAIDs include ibuprofen (Advil), naproxen (Aleve, Naprosyn), and acetaminophen (Tylenol).

Digestion temporarily slows or stops during migraine attacks, delaying absorption of oral medications. Occasionally, carbonated beverages may improve absorption. Other treatment methods, such as self-relaxation, biofeedback, and self-hypnosis, may be reasonable alternatives to drug therapies in childhood migraine, particularly in adolescents. Response rates in children tend to be higher than in adults and show continued effectiveness over time.

Prevention

The primary goals of preventive drug therapy are to prevent migraine attacks and to reduce the frequency and severity of attacks. Half of all patients experience a 50% reduction in migraines (at most). Most preventive migraine medications have potential side effects, so only children with at least 1-2 attacks a week should take them. Parents should have realistic expectations. While medications lessen the impact of migraines, they do not get rid of the underlying causes.

* Diet:
An estimated 20-50% of migraineurs (people who have migraines) are sensitive to foods. These dietary triggers are thought to cause a change that provokes a migraine attack. Helping children learn to recognize and avoid these triggers is helpful but often difficult. The following are some common dietary triggers:

o Tyramine:
Individuals with low levels of a substance called phenolsulfotransferase P are believed to be sensitive to dietary monoamines (a type of molecule) such as tyramine and phenylethylamine. Cultured dairy products (for example, aged cheese, sour cream, buttermilk), chocolate, and citrus fruits are believed to cause vasodilation (widening of the blood vessels) in certain people. Some migraines may be triggered by artificial sweeteners like aspartame.

o Beverages:
Alcoholic beverages (especially red wine) and excess of or withdrawal from caffeinated drinks like coffee, tea, cocoa, or colas may trigger a migraine headache. Migraineurs should limit caffeinated sources to no more than 2 cups per day to prevent caffeine-withdrawal headaches. Caffeine can be found in chocolate-containing foods and candies; therefore, children with migraines should avoid them.

o Nitrates and nitrites:
These vasodilating agents are found in preserved meats. Examples of foods containing these chemicals include lunch meats, processed meats, smoked fish, sausage, pork and beans with bacon, sausage, salami, pastrami, liverwurst, hot dogs, ham, corned beef, corn dogs, beef jerky, bratwurst, and bacon.

o Monosodium glutamate (MSG):
MSG is a flavor enhancer and vasodilator found in many processed foods. Food labels should be checked carefully. MSG sources include Accent seasoning, bacon bits, baking mixtures, basted turkey, bouillon cubes, chips (potato, corn), croutons, dry-roasted peanuts, breaded foods, frozen dinners, gelatins, certain Asian foods and soy sauce, pot pies, relishes, salad dressing, soups, and yeast extract.

o Citrus fruits, avocados, bananas, raisins, and plums:
These foods may be triggers. Although a few individuals are sensitive to fruit, children with migraines should still eat a well-rounded, natural diet that includes fruits and vegetables and avoids processed foods. A headache diary may be helpful (a pattern often emerges after 6-8 weeks). Care must be taken to avoid creating an unnaturally limited diet that harms a child's growth and development.

* Drugs:

Cimetidine (Tagamet), hydralazine (Apresoline), nifedipine (Procardia), nitroglycerin (Nitro-bid), ranitidine (Zantac), and other drugs often used by adults can increase migraine frequency. Both OTC and prescription medications can trigger or worsen migraine headaches.

Excessive use of OTC pain medications and analgesics can cause occasional migraine attacks to convert to analgesic-abuse headaches or drug-induced headaches that do not respond to treatment. Children with migraines should avoid frequent or long-term use of NSAIDs, acetaminophen, triptans, or ergotamines. Migraineurs who have been treated for a long time with amphetamines (Biphetamine), phenothiazine (a type of antihistamine), or propranolol (Inderal) should avoid sudden withdrawal from these medications because migraine headaches may result.

* Activity:

In children who have an inborn tendency for migraine headaches, attacks can occur as a result of psychological (emotional), physiological (internal body processes), or environmental triggers. Physical exertion and travel or motion can be triggers.

o Psychological triggers:
These include stress, anxiety, worry, depression , and sadness. Migraine headaches are not an imagined or psychological illness. Stress makes an underlying tendency for migraine more difficult to manage. The frequency of migraines can be reduced but not eliminated by maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

o Physiological triggers:
These include fever or illness and not getting enough food, rest, or sleep. Children with migraines should stick to a routine with regular meal times and adequate sleep.

o Environmental triggers:
These include fluorescent light, bright light, flickering light, fatigue, barometric pressure changes, high altitude, strong odors, computer screens, or rapid temperature changes. Some migraineurs report that complex visual patterns like stripes, checks, or zigzag lines trigger their migraines.

o Physical exertion:
Activity can trigger childhood migraine. Some migraineurs report that they are more likely to get a headache after participating in sports or being extremely active. Minor head trauma (for example, being hit in the head with a ball, falling on one's head) may also result in a migraine attack.

o Travel or motion:
This may cause migraine, particularly in young children.

Circumcision

2008-03-25T23:22:00.003+01:00

What Experts Say

Circumcision refers to the removal of the foreskin, a sleeve of skin that covers the head of the penis.

An ancient tradition mentioned in the Bible, male circumcision is commonly practiced among Muslims and Jews for religious reasons. In the 19th century it became standard in the United States because it was thought to promote hygiene and discourage masturbation. It has since become so routine that your nurse may ask you if your newborn is "ready for his 'circ'," although many American parents choose not to circumcise.

The American Academy of Pediatricians estimates that every year 1.2 million newborn boys are circumcised in the United States. In their official policy statement, they report that there are no definitive medical reasons to circumcise, but they leave the choice up to the parents.

Parenting experts like Dr. Benjamin Spock used to recommend routine circumcision. However, in his 40th anniversary edition of "Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care," Dr. Spock writes, "There is no excuse for the operation -- except as a religious rite... I strongly recommend leaving the foreskin alone."

Parenting expert Penelope Leach agrees, pointing out that the operation is very painful even with anesthesia. "Why spoil your baby's first week with you, and yours with him, when there is no possible good to balance the probable harm?" she writes.

Safety Note

Some bleeding is normal. If there is a lot of bleeding, a foul odor, swelling at the site of circumcision, or if the plastic rim does not fall off within eight days, call your doctor.

Planning a frozen dinner tonight? Think again.

2008-02-10T00:48:00.001+01:00

Planning a frozen dinner tonight? Think again.

Recipe for Disaster

Household food budget is spent on processed foods, the majority of which are filled with additives and stripped of nutrients. Discover which common ingredients in the foods you eat pose the greatest risk to your health.

Grab the broccoli with cheese sauce from the freezer, the box of instant rice pilaf from the pantry, or the hot dogs from your fridge and squint at the ingredient list's fine print. You'll likely find food additives in every one.

Is this healthy? Compared to the foods our bodies were built to eat, definitely not.

Processed, packaged foods have almost completely taken over the diet of Americans. In fact, nearly 90 percent of our household food budget is spent on processed foods, according to industry estimates.

Unfortunately, most processed foods are laden with sweeteners, salts, artificial flavors, factory-created fats, colorings, chemicals that alter texture, and preservatives. But the trouble is not just what's been added, but what's been taken away. Processed foods are often stripped of nutrients designed by nature to protect your heart, such as soluble fiber, antioxidants, and "good" fats. Combine that with additives, and you have a recipe for disaster.

Here are the big four ingredients in processed foods you should look out for:

TRANS FATS
Trans fats are in moist bakery muffins and crispy crackers, microwave popcorn and fast-food French fries, even the stick margarine you may rely on as a "heart-healthy" alternative to saturated-fat-laden butter.

Once hailed as a cheap, heart-friendly replacement for butter, lard, and coconut oil, trans fats have, in recent times, been denounced by one Harvard nutrition expert as "the biggest food-processing disaster in U.S. history." Why? Research now reveals trans fats are twice as dangerous for your heart as saturated fat, and cause an estimated 30,000 to 100,000 premature heart disease deaths each year.

Trans fats are worse for your heart than saturated fats because they boost your levels of "bad" LDL cholesterol and decrease "good" HDL cholesterol. That's double trouble for your arteries. And unlike saturated fats, trans fats also raise your levels of artery-clogging lipoprotein and triglycerides.

Trans fats will be listed on the "Nutrition Facts" panel on food beginning in 2006. Until then, check the ingredient list for any of these words: "partially hydrogenated," "fractionated," or "hydrogenated" (fully hydrogenated fats are not a heart threat, but some trans fats are mislabeled as "hydrogenated"). The higher up the phrase "partially hydrogenated oil" is on the list of ingredients, the more trans fat the product contains.

Replacing trans fats with good fats could cut your heart attack risk by a whopping 53 percent.

REFINED GRAINS
Choosing refined grains such as white bread, rolls, sugary low-fiber cereal, white rice, or white pasta over whole grains can boost your heart attack risk by up to 30 percent. You've got to be a savvy shopper. Don't be fooled by deceptive label claims such as "made with wheat flour" or "seven grain." Or by white-flour breads topped with a sprinkling of oats, or colored brown with molasses. Often, they're just the same old refined stuff that raises risk for high cholesterol, high blood pressure, heart attacks, insulin resistance, diabetes, and belly fat.

At least seven major studies show that women and men who eat more whole grains (including dark bread, whole-grain breakfast cereals, popcorn, cooked oatmeal, brown rice, bran, and other grains like bulgur or kasha) have 20 to 30 percent less heart disease. In contrast, those who opt for refined grains have more heart attacks, insulin resistance, and high blood pressure.

Read the ingredient list on packaged grain products. If the product is one of those that are best for you, the first ingredients should be whole wheat or another whole grain, such as oats. The fiber content should be at least 3 grams per serving.

Two More to Check Labels For

SALT
Three-quarters of the sodium in our diets isn't from the saltshaker. It's hidden in processed foods, such as canned vegetables and soups, condiments like soy sauce and Worcestershire sauce, fast-food burgers (and fries, of course), and cured or preserved meats like bacon, ham, and deli turkey.

Some sodium occurs naturally in unprocessed edibles, including milk, beets, celery, even some drinking water. And that's a good thing: Sodium is necessary for life. It helps regulate blood pressure, maintains the body's fluid balance, transmits nerve impulses, makes muscles -- including your heart -- contract, and keeps your senses of taste, smell, and touch working properly. You need a little every day to replace what's lost to sweat, tears, and other excretions.

But what happens when you eat more salt than your body needs? Your body retains fluid simply to dilute the extra sodium in your bloodstream. This raises blood volume, forcing your heart to work harder; at the same time, it makes veins and arteries constrict. The combination raises blood pressure.

Your limit should be 1,500 milligrams of sodium per day, about the amount in three-fourths of a teaspoon of salt. (Table salt, by the way, is 40 percent sodium, 60 percent chloride.) Older people should eat even less, to counteract the natural rise in blood pressure that comes with age. People over 50 should strive for 1,300 mg; those over 70 should aim for 1,200 mg.

Only the "Nutrition Facts" panel on a food package will give you the real sodium count. Don't believe claims on the package front such as "sodium-free" (foods can still have 5 mg per serving); "reduced sodium" (it only means 25 percent less than usual); or "light in sodium" (half the amount you'd normally find).

HIGH-FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP
Compared to traditional sweeteners, high-fructose corn syrup costs less to make, is sweeter to the taste, and mixes more easily with other ingredients. Today, we consume nearly 63 pounds of it per person per year in drinks and sweets, as well as in other products. High-fructose corn syrup is in many frozen foods. It gives bread an inviting, brown color and soft texture, so it's also in whole-wheat bread, hamburger buns, and English muffins. It is in beer, bacon, spaghetti sauce, soft drinks, and even ketchup.

Research is beginning to suggest that this liquid sweetener may upset the human metabolism, raising the risk for heart disease and diabetes. Researchers say that high-fructose corn syrup's chemical structure encourages overeating. It also seems to force the liver to pump more heart-threatening triglycerides into the bloodstream. In addition, fructose may zap your body's reserves of chromium, a mineral important for healthy levels of cholesterol, insulin, and blood sugar.

To spot fructose on a food label, look for the words "corn sweetener," "corn syrup," or "corn syrup solids" as well as "high-fructose corn syrup."

Foods That Fight Disease

2008-02-10T00:04:00.001+01:00

Food can do much more than taste good; it can help you fight many serious diseases.

by Chris Hinz

The Body's Best Weapons

The food you eat does more than provide energy. It can have a dramatic effect on your body's ability to fight off heart disease, cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure, stroke, and weak bones.

With remarkable consistency, recent research has found that a diet high in plant-based foods -- fruits, vegetables, dried peas and beans, grains, and starchy staples such as potatoes -- is the body's best weapon in thwarting many health-related problems. These foods work against so many diseases that the same healthy ingredients you might use to protect your heart or ward off cancer will also benefit your intestinal tract and bones.

Here's what is currently known about these different disease-fighting foods.

Cancer Fighters
Preventing cancer is a compelling reason to load up your cart in the produce department. Scientists have recently estimated that approximately 30 to 40 percent of all cancers could be averted if people ate more fruits, vegetables, and plant-based foods and minimized high-fat, high-calorie edibles that have scant nutritional value. Up to 70 percent of cancers might be eliminated if people also stopped smoking, exercised regularly, and controlled their weight.

In the past, researchers had linked fat consumption with the development of cancers, but they currently believe that eating fruits, vegetables, and grains may be more important in preventing the disease than not eating fat. "The evidence about a high-fat diet and cancer seemed a lot stronger several years ago than it does now," says Melanie Polk, a registered dietitian and director of nutrition education at the American Institute for Cancer Research.

Although scientists are still not certain about the specifics, they're beginning to close in on the healthful constituents of plant-based foods. In particular, they're looking closely at two components --antioxidants and phytochemicals.

Antioxidants.
The antioxidants (carotenoids, such as beta carotene and lycopene, and vitamins C and E) found in fruits, vegetables, and other plant-based foods fight free radicals, which are compounds in the body that attack and destroy cell membranes. The uncontrolled activity of free radicals is believed to cause many cancers.

The carotenoids, in particular, which give fruits and vegetables their bright yellow, orange, and red colors, are now gaining recognition for their nutritional worth. Numerous studies have extolled the virtues of lycopene (the carotenoid that makes tomatoes red) in preventing prostate cancer. One such study at Harvard University found that men who include tomato products in their meals twice a week could reduce their risk of developing prostate cancer by one-third compared with men who never touch tomatoes.

Other lycopene-rich foods, such as watermelon, red grapefruit, and guava, are now piquing the interest of researchers. Watermelon not only yields more lycopene per serving (15 mg in 11/2 cups) than raw tomatoes (11 mg per 11/2 cups), but it's also a rich source of vitamins A and C.

Can watermelon help reduce the incidence of cancer? No one knows for sure because there haven't been sufficient studies. "We assume that we'll see benefits," says Penelope Perkins-Veazie, Ph.D., a research scientist with the USDA's Agricultural Research Service. Researchers there plan to compare people who eat watermelon with those who eat processed tomatoes -- because cooking enhances lycopene absorption -- to see which group absorbs more lycopene. (A 11/2 cup serving of tomato sauce packs 53 mg of lycopene.)

Phytochemicals.

The phytochemicals present in fruits and vegetables protect the body by stunting the growth of malignant cells. Phytochemicals, naturally occurring substances, include indoles in cabbage or cauliflower, saponins in peas and beans, and isoflavones in soy milk and tofu. Investigators have only an inkling of how many phytochemicals exist and how they work. They are confident, however, that you can get a basketful of anti-cancer nutrients by mixing and matching at least five servings a day of fruits and vegetables with seven or more starchy or protein-rich plant foods such as grains, peas and beans, and potatoes.

Supplements can help you get some of the benefits of these substances, but they are no replacement for real food. "When you take a supplement, you're getting specific vitamins and minerals, but not the thousands of phytochemicals that might be present in fruits and vegetables," says registered dietitian Amy Jamieson of The Cleveland Clinic Foundation in Ohio. "If you eat a sweet potato with its skin, which is a great source of both beta carotene and fiber, you'll consume at least 5,000 phytochemicals that aren't present in a beta carotene supplement. That's a really important difference.

Digestive Tract Protectors

Although the food you eat affects every system in your body, your digestive tract bears the initial brunt of your choices. To keep it running smoothly and disease-free, aim for a diet high in fiber. Unfortunately, most Americans eat only about half the 20 to 35 grams they need each day, even though fiber is readily available in raw and cooked fruits and vegetables, as well as in grain products such as breads, cereals, pasta, and rice.

Fiber comes in two forms, soluble and insoluble. Soluble fiber, found in fruits, vegetables, brown rice, oats, and barley, lowers blood cholesterol levels and slows the entry of glucose into the bloodstream, an important factor in preventing or controlling diabetes. Insoluble fiber, found mainly in whole grains, fruit and vegetable peels, high fiber cereals, and wheat and corn bran, keeps your digestive tract in order. Insoluble fiber soaks up water, adding the bulk that pushes possible cancer-causing substances (carcinogens) out of the intestine.

Fiber's presumed power of protecting against colorectal cancer has received a lot of publicity. This type of cancer is probably the most significant diet-related disorder of the digestive tract and the third leading cause of cancer deaths among both men and women. For years, health experts have speculated that a high-fat, low-fiber diet encourages the production and concentration of carcinogens in the colon, but that fiber-rich food clears them out. Yet the research remains controversial. "A diet high in fiber is almost always one that is, at the same time, low in fat," says Bennett E. Roth, M.D., a gastroenterologist at the University of California, Los Angeles School of Medicine. "So it may be that it's the reduction in fat that's beneficial rather than the fiber itself. But that issue hasn't been resolved yet."

The National Cancer Institute's National Cancer Polyp Prevention Trial, for example, failed to find a lowered incidence of colorectal polyps among more than 2,000 participants on a high-fiber diet. Critics have pointed out, however, that the study lasted only three to four years, while colon cancer takes decades to develop. Thus, the effect of a high-fiber diet wasn't yet apparent. In addition, they note, while polyps are a risk factor for colorectal cancer, most of them do not become malignant.

"Most research supports the protective effect of a diet high in fruits, vegetables, beans, and grains," says Polk, citing the American Institute for Cancer Research's own 1997 report, "Food, Nutrition and the Prevention of Cancer: A Global Perspective," which reviewed 4,500 international studies before coming to this conclusion.

Heart-Saving Foods

No other part of your body benefits more from good dietary choices than your cardiovascular system. What you eat, and choose not to eat, has a dramatic effect on your risk for heart disease and stroke.

Saturated fat, found mostly in meat and full-fat dairy products, is the major culprit in raising blood cholesterol, the main ingredient of artery-clogging plaque. Overindulging in these foods raises the risk of developing heart disease. But you can lower this risk by shifting the emphasis so that nutrient- and fiber-rich foods such as fruits, vegetables, and grains make up approximately two-thirds of what you eat each day.

Plant-based foods provide complex carbohydrates as well as vitamins and minerals. And they contain very little fat. Because they're rich in indigestible fiber, they take up space in the intestines, which can help you control your appetite -- and your weight.

These foods have another advantage. "When you look at non-drug alternatives to reduce cholesterol," says registered dietitian Linda Van Horn, Ph.D., of Northwestern University Medical School in Chicago, "you find that a high-fiber component to a low-fat diet is very effective." Soluble fiber, in particular, has a direct bearing on the body's production, regulation, and elimination of cholesterol. Although the reasons aren't entirely clear, it may be that soluble fiber combines with intestinal fluids to form a gel that binds to fat or prevents it from being absorbed into the bloodstream. Whatever the reason, it does work. One study found that by increasing the amount of soluble fiber they ate, people with Type 2 diabetes decreased their cholesterol levels by almost 7 percent. Other studies show that simply adding two servings a day of oats or other cereals high in soluble fiber can reduce cholesterol levels by almost 3 to 4 percent in people without diabetes. These two servings represent only a small portion of the recommended six to 11 daily servings of bread, cereals, grains, and pasta.

While fiber is the most important dietary adjunct in controlling blood cholesterol, fiber-rich foods contain other nutrients, including antioxidants and phytochemicals, which researchers believe also deter the buildup of plaque in arteries. But the mechanism is unclear. "Is it the nutrients in these foods that have a positive effect, or is it that the more of them you eat, the less fat-laden food you consume?" asks Alice H. Lichtenstein, D. Sc., of the USDA Human Nutrition Research Center at Tufts University in Boston. "We don't know the answer right now, but it's probably a combination of both."

What is clear is that you can eat a heart-healthy diet and still include some fat. "We've made people aware of cholesterol and fat," says Sayed F. Feghali, M.D., a cardiologist at the Texas Heart Institute in Houston. "There's no question that saturated fat is the villain when it comes to cholesterol buildup in blood vessels. But we need some fat. We cannot function on a zero-fat diet."

So be judicious in your choices. Restrict meat and dairy products to less than 10 percent of your daily calories. Try poultry, dried beans, eggs, and nuts for protein and energy. Soy products, when substituted for animal protein, show promise in reducing LDL ("bad") cholesterol. Substitute heart-healthy monounsaturated oils, such as olive, canola, and peanut, for saturated and hydrogenated fats.

Also, watch out for the words "hydrogenated" or "partially hydrogenated" on baked goods and snack foods. They indicate that otherwise heart-healthy unsaturated fat has been manipulated so that oils that would normally be liquid at room temperature stay solid. The process yields trans fats, which raise both total and LDL cholesterol.

Finally, don't be so preoccupied with fat that you lose sight of calories. It's too many calories that add unwanted weight, which can put a strain on your heart. If you're stumped about striking a reasonable dietary balance, check out the eating plans of the American Heart Association (www.americanheart.org).

Bone-Building Foods

The road to strong bones is paved with calcium-rich food. Leafy green vegetables and low-fat dairy products are excellent sources of calcium, the mineral that puts stiffness into your skeletal system and keeps your bones from turning rubbery and fragile.

Your body uses calcium for more than keeping your bones strong. Calcium permits cells to divide, regulates muscle contraction and relaxation, and plays an important role in the movement of protein and nutrients inside cells. If you don't absorb enough from what you eat to satisfy these requirements, your body will take it from your bones. Because your body doesn't produce this essential mineral, you must continually replenish the supply. Even though the recommended daily amount is 1,200 mg, most adults don't eat more than 500 mg.

One reason may have been the perception that calcium-rich dairy products were also loaded with calories. "In the past, women, in particular, worried that dairy products were high in calories," says Letha Y. Griffin, M.D., of Peachtree Orthopaedics in Atlanta. "But today you can get calcium without eating any high-fat or high-calorie foods by choosing skim milk or low-fat yogurt." Also, low-fat dairy products contain phosphorous and magnesium and are generally fortified with vitamin D, all of which help your body absorb and use calcium.

If you find it difficult to include enough calcium in your diet, ask your doctor about supplements. They're a potent way to get calcium as well as vitamin D and other minerals. But there's a downside. If you rely on pills in lieu of a calcium-rich diet, you won't benefit from the other nutrients that food provides. Getting the recommended vitamin D may be easy, since your body makes the vitamin when your skin is exposed to the sun's rays.

When illness knocking on our door....

2008-02-09T22:30:00.001+01:00

Being a mother like you...we could easily get panicked when one of our family members got sick.
Due to this reason... i tried to search some sites that could give us ready at the hand tips particularly when spring time comes...my son could easily got colds and allergies...

I got some tips... of which I posted here... to be our daily guide...

What Should You Eat When You Have a Cold?
Prepare for cold and flu season by stocking up on these cold-fighting foods!

By Mehmet Oz, MD, and Michael Roizen, MD
From Reader's Digest

Q: I've got a cold. What can I eat to feel better fast?

A: Start with a bowl of Mom's chicken soup. Research has yet to show how it works (and how the heck Ma knew), but we do know that a nutrient-rich diet builds your immune system and fights inflammation. This season, stock up on these healing foods:

Orange Juice Vitamin C may shorten the duration of your cold, helping you get back on your feet.
Oatmeal, bananas, fish, chicken, turkey They help maintain the health of organs that make infection-fighting white blood cells.
Apples, cranberries, tomato sauce These contain flavonoids, anti-inflammatory substances that can strengthen your immune system.

Best Flu Remedies

2008-02-06T23:36:00.002+01:00

6 steps to take at the first sign of flu symptoms.

From Best Remedies

At the First Sign of the Flu ...

Unlike the common cold, which is annoying but ultimately harmless, the flu can be dangerous -- even deadly. Your best bet? Focusing on the twin Super Threats of chronic stress and immune weakness. With a strong immune system, you're much more likely to fight off this potential killer.

If you do get the flu, act fast. Prescription antiviral medications can help you get better faster, and numerous studies find that natural remedies can also significantly reduce the amount of time you suffer -- but you need to take them at the very first sign of symptoms, or as a precaution during flu season.

Do This Now

Follow these six steps at the first sign of the flu.

Call your doctor and ask for an antiviral medication such as amantadine, rimantadine, zanamivir, or oseltamivir.

At the same time, start taking 1 tablespoon of the liquid elderberry extract Sambucol four times a day for three to five days.

Also start taking the homeopathic remedy Anas Barbariae Hepatis et cordis extractum 200c, more commonly known as Oscillococcinum or Flu Remedy. Follow the dosage instructions on the package.

To relieve headache and achiness, take 500 to 1,000 milligrams of enteric-coated aspirin, 200 milligrams of ibuprofen, or 500 to 1,000 milligrams of acetaminophen every four to six hours, or 275 milligrams of naproxen twice a day. Don't take acetaminophen if you have liver disease. Don't give aspirin, ibuprofen, or naproxen to children or adolescents (use acetaminophen instead).

Now that you're medicated, work on bringing your fever down to make yourself more comfortable. Start with cool compresses on the pulse points at the neck, throat, and wrists.

If your fever is still high and you're still achy, add a cup of Epsom or sea salt to a warm tub, soak for 20 minutes, then wrap up warmly and lie under blankets to induce a sweat. Adding 10 to 15 drops of eucalyptus or peppermint oil to the bath will help with congestion, cough, and muscle aches.

Why It Works, Plus More Approaches

Antiviral drugs can decrease the severity and length of your infection if you take them within the first day or two of symptoms. They're particularly helpful if you got the flu even though you were vaccinated, because chances are you're dealing with a different strain from the ones in the vaccine.

Sambucol also fights the flu directly. One well-designed study of 60 patients, all of whom had the flu, found that those who received the supplement were nearly recovered by the third or fourth day of treatment, whereas it took seven to eight days for the people in the placebo group to feel better. Researchers think that compounds called anthocyanins in elderberry may be responsible; they boost the immune system and also seem to prevent the flu virus from sticking to cells.

The other treatments are all about making you more comfortable and relieving aches and pains. The warm bath has an added effect: it causes a slight increase in body temperature, which makes bacteria-killing enzymes more effective, potentially helping to prevent a secondary bacterial infection when your defenses are down.

Other Medicines and Approaches

Fenugreek. If you're coughing, take 2 capsules three or four times a day. This herb helps thin mucus and also soothes a dry cough. (Note that it makes your urine smell sweet.)

Cough suppressants. If you want to use a cough suppressant, choose one that contains dextromethorphan. At night, try Delsym, which lasts for 12 hours.

Sports creams. For body aches, massage a pain-relief rub or sports cream like Ben-Gay or Tiger Balm onto the achy areas.

Fluids. Drink lots and lots of fluids, both hot and cold. Avoid caffeinated and overly sweet drinks like sodas and undiluted fruit juices.

Bottled Water Vs. Tap Water

2008-02-05T21:40:00.002+01:00

Chemicals, contaminants, pollution, price: new reasons to rethink what you drink and beware of bottled water.

By Janet Majeski Jemmott
From Reader's Digest

Growing Thirst

Remember the drinking fountain, that once ubiquitous, and free, source of H2O? It seems quaint now. Instead, bottled water is everywhere, in offices, airplanes, stores, homes and restaurants across the country. We consumed over eight billion gallons of the stuff in 2006, a 10 percent increase from 2005. It's refreshing, calorie-free, convenient to carry around, tastier than some tap water and a heck of a lot healthier than sugary sodas. But more and more, people are questioning whether the water, and the package it comes in, is safe, or at least safer than tap water—and if the convenience is worth the environmental impact.

What's in That Bottle?
Evocative names and labels depicting pastoral scenes have convinced us that the liquid is the purest drink around. "But no one should think that bottled water is better regulated, better protected or safer than tap," says Eric Goldstein, co-director of the urban program at the Natural Resources Defense Council (NRDC), a nonprofit organization devoted to protecting health and the environment.

Yes, some bottled water comes from sparkling springs and other pristine sources. But more than 25 percent of it comes from a municipal supply. The water is treated, purified and sold to us, often at a thousandfold increase in price. Most people are surprised to learn that they're drinking glorified tap water, but bottlers aren't required to list the source on the label.

This year Aquafina will begin stating on labels that its H2O comes from public water sources. And Nestlé Pure Life bottles will indicate whether the water comes from public, private or deep well sources. Dasani acknowledges on its website, but not on the label itself, that it draws from local water.

Labels can be misleading at best, deceptive at worst. In one notorious case, water coming from a well located near a hazardous waste site was sold to many bottlers. At least one of these companies labeled its product "spring water." In another case, H2O sold as "pure glacier water" came from a public water system in Alaska.

Lisa Ledwidge, 38, of Minneapolis, stopped drinking bottled water a couple of years ago, partly because she found out that many brands come from a municipal supply. "You're spending more per gallon than you would on gasoline for this thing that you can get out of the tap virtually for free," she says. "I wondered, Why am I spending this money while complaining about how much gas costs? But you don't ever hear anyone complain about the price of bottled water." Ledwidge says she now drinks only filtered tap water.

The controversy isn't simply about tap vs. bottled water; most people drink both, knowing the importance of plenty of water. What they may not know is that some bottled water may not be as pure as they expect. In 1999 the NRDC tested more than 1,000 bottles of 103 brands of water. (This is the most recent major report on bottled water safety.) While noting that most bottled water is safe, the organization found that at least one sample of a third of the brands contained bacterial or chemical contaminants, including carcinogens, in levels exceeding state or industry standards. Since the report, no major regulatory changes have been made and bottlers haven't drastically altered their procedures, so the risk is likely still there.

The NRDC found that samples of two brands were contaminated with phthalates, in one case exceeding Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) standards for tap water. These chemicals, used to make plastic softer, are found in cosmetics and fragrances, shower curtains, even baby toys, and are under increasing scrutiny. They're endocrine disrupters, which means they block or mimic hormones, affecting the body's normal functions. And the effects of exposure to the widespread chemicals may add up.

Purely Deceptive

When exposed to high levels of phthalates during critical developmental periods, male fetuses can have malformed reproductive organs, including undescended testicles. Some experts link phthalates to low sperm counts.

Water bottles do not contain the chemical, which means the phthalates detected by the NRDC probably got into the water during processing at the bottling plant, or were present in the original water source (phthalates have been found in some tap water).

Bottled water is regulated for safety, but it's a tricky thing. The EPA regulates tap water, while the FDA oversees bottled. Yet FDA oversight doesn't apply to water packaged and sold within the same state, leaving some 60 to 70 percent of bottled water, including the contents of watercooler jugs, free of FDA regulation, according to the NRDC's report. In this case, testing depends on the states, but the NRDC found that they often don't have adequate resources to oversee bottled water, in some cases lacking even one full-time person for an entire state.

The FDA requires bottlers to regularly test for contaminants, but the agency considers bottled water a low-risk product, so plants may not be inspected every year. According to one FDA official, it's the manufacturer's responsibility to ensure that the product complies with laws and regulations. Some bottlers turn to NSF International, a trade group that conducts yearly unannounced inspections of plants, looking at the source of the water and the treatment process, and testing for contaminants. Other companies belong to the International Bottled Water Association (IBWA), which also performs annual unannounced tests to ensure the plant is up to FDA standards. IBWA has its own regulations, some of which are stricter than the FDA's.

Bottlers don't have to let consumers know if their product becomes contaminated, but sometimes they pull their products from stores. In fact, between 1990 and 2007, this happened about 100 times, says Peter Gleick of the Pacific Institute in Oakland, California. Among the reasons for recall: contamination with mold, benzene, coliform, microbes, even crickets.

The Plastic Problem

Most bottled water comes in polyethylene terephthalate bottles, indicated by a number 1, PET or PETE on the bottle's bottom. (No, it's not the same phthalate mentioned earlier.) The bottles are generally safe, says Ken Smith, PhD, immediate past chair of the American Chemical Society's division of environmental chemistry. But scientists say when stored in hot or warm temperatures, the plastic may leach chemicals into the water.

Brenda Decker, 45, of Lake Stockholm, New Jersey, used to buy bottled water in bulk and store it in the crawl space under her house, where it was exposed to high temperatures. But a friend who owns a natural food store recently warned her that the plastic could leach chemicals into the water. So Decker has stopped buying bottled water and is going back to the tap. "It's a process, but I'm willing to go with it to make sure my kid is healthy. That's my biggest drive."

High temperatures in your storage space aren't the only potential risk; so are the other things you keep there. Experts advise against storing water in the garage, near gas fumes, pesticides and other chemicals that could, at the very least, affect the smell and taste of the H2O.

It's not just where you store your water, but what you do with it as you carry it with you. Many people sip from a bottle that's been sitting in a hot car, a potentially dangerous move. "Leaving bottled water out in the car changes the chemical equilibrium so that the materials from the plastic go into the water faster," says Smith.

When 22-year-old Amy Dowley, a senior at Vassar College in Poughkeepsie, New York, heard about these risks, she was worried. "I never drank bottled water, because I knew the water from my tap was clean and healthy, but I used to fill used plastic soda or juice bottles with tap water to carry around," she says. Now she uses a stainless steel Klean Kanteen portable container or fills a cup from the sink. "Any way we can cut back on plastic is a good thing."

"Are there hazards associated with these chemicals?" asks James Kapin, a chemical safety consultant in San Diego. "Absolutely." But as with many debates on chemicals, the exact health risks are unknown. "We very rarely get black-and-white answers for the health effects of long-term exposure. At some point, I hope, there will be a scientific consensus."

In the meantime, experts have raised a warning flag about a few specific chemicals. Antimony is a potentially toxic material used in making PET. Last year, scientists in Germany found that the longer a bottle of water sits around (in a store, in your home), the more antimony it develops. High concentrations of antimony can cause nausea, vomiting and diarrhea. In the study, levels found were below those set as safe by the EPA, but it's a topic that needs more research.

Last summer, a National Institutes of Health (NIH) committee agreed that bisphenol A (BPA), a chemical found in polycarbonate (used to make watercooler jugs, sport-water bottles and other hard plastics, but not PET), may cause neurological and behavioral problems in fetuses, babies and kids. A separate NIH-sponsored panel found that the risk was even greater, saying that adult exposure to BPA likely affects the brain, the female reproductive system and the immune system. The FDA has reviewed these reports and says it will keep monitoring the data to see if the agency needs to take regulatory action.

The Plastic Problem

The Environmental Toll

The potential health risks are important to understand, but bottled water also affects the health of the planet.

"Bottled water is an increasingly growing business, and with that comes a whole lot of environmental impact that can be avoided by a turn of the faucet," says Jenny Powers of the NRDC. While we struggle to cut down on our consumption of fossil fuels, bottled water increases them. Virgin petroleum is used to make PET, and the more bottles we use, the more virgin petroleum will be needed to create new bottles. Fossil fuels are burned to fill the bottles and dis-tribute them. (Stephen Kay of IBWA points out that it's not just bottled water, but juices, soda and other beverages packed in plastic that add to this waste.)

Some brands of water come from islands and countries thousands of miles away, and shipping bottles can cause carbon pollution to spill into the water and spew into the air.

Then there's the waste of water itself, says Todd Jarvis, PhD, associate director of the Institute for Water and Watersheds at Oregon State University. According to his calculations, it takes about 72 billion gallons of water a year, worldwide, just to make the empty bottles.

Treating and filtering tap water for bottling creates even more waste. By some estimates, it takes about two liters of water to make every liter you see on store shelves. "Bottled water has a significant environmental burden," says the NRDC's Goldstein.

A big part of the appeal of bottled water is those convenient single-serving bottles. Yet fewer than 20 percent of them ever make it to a second life, according to estimates by the Container Recycling Institute. The rest are tossed onto beaches and roadsides and into landfills, where they could be around for a thousand years. Nestlé Waters, Dasani and other bottlers are trying to be greener, introducing lighter-weight bottles that use up to 30 percent less plastic.

It's a good start, but more needs to be done—by them, and by us.

The Environmental Toll

What You Can Do

Worried about the toll your bottled water habit has on you or the earth? Take these steps.

Try the tap again. First, check it out. If your water comes from a public source (rather than a well), you should get a water-quality or consumer-confidence report from the water company once a year. It's also available at any time from the local water utility. Read the report carefully, making sure not only that your water has received a passing grade overall but also that contaminants haven't exceeded the maximum allowable levels, even for a short while. If you have well water, get it tested every year. For more information, call the EPA's toll-free Safe Drinking Water Hotline at 800-426-4791, or visit the website for the Campaign for Safe and Affordable Drinking Water.

Get a canteen. Carry your plain or filtered tap water in a reusable stainless steel or lined drinking container, and clean it between uses. Some come with an easy-to-tote strap. We like the stainless steel versions from Klean Kanteen and New Wave Enviro, and the colorful bottles from SIGG.

Think twice about the office watercooler. If it's made of polycarbonate, it has the potential to leach BPA, a chemical that can cause neurological problems, among other things. And have you ever seen anyone actually clean the watercooler? Probably not.

Shop smart. When you must have bottled, look for brands that have NSF certifica-tion or belong to IBWA. Check out the lists at nsf.org or bottledwater.org, or look at the bottle itself (the NSF logo appears on labels of tested brands). If the brand you're looking for isn't there, contact the bottler. Ask where the water is bottled and what exactly is in it.

Keep it cool. Don't drink from a bottle that's been subjected to high temperatures (sitting in your car, for example), don't store it anywhere it will be exposed to heat or chemicals, and don't reuse plastic bottles.

Go with glass. Choose glass containers (Eden Springs and Voss are two popular brands) over plastic whenever possible. When you're done, recycle!

Do You Need a Filter?
The water that comes out of your faucet is probably safe. In general, toxins in drinking water don't exceed EPA limits, but there are still legitimate concerns. From a funny taste to lead contamination from aging pipes, your tap water may have picked up some unsavory additions along the way.

What's in your water? Certain areas of the country are subject to particular toxins, such as runoff from farms and by-products of industry, like arsenic, which can also occur naturally in the environment.

Have it tested. If you're concerned, have your water tested by a lab that's certified by the state; the EPA has an online listing of certification officers, or call your health department for recommendations.Choose a filter. Choices range from tabletop containers, such as a carafe with a carbon filter (Brita and PUR are popular brands), to devices that purify the water as it enters your home. In between are faucet-mounted, under-sink and reverse osmosis units. Look for one approved by NSF, Underwriters Laboratories or the Water Quality Association, and clean it as recommended by the manufacturer. Do it yourself. Some water is treated with chlorine to kill bacteria, but the taste turns people off. The fix? Pour water into a clear glass container and leave it uncovered in the refrigerator for 24 hours to let the chlorine dissipate into the air.

Fluoride Facts
Most bottled water doesn't contain added fluoride (if it does, it will say so on the label). Kids are drinking more bottled water and less fluoridated tap, and some say that's behind the recent rise in dental decay. While the cavity link hasn't been confirmed, pediatric dentist Mary Hayes, DDS, says, "I tell parents that if they choose bottled water without fluoride, they're losing an opportunity to protect their child's teeth. We know fluoride has a great track record in diminishing the risk of decay."

If your tap water is fortified, you probably don't need fluoride in bottled. But if your family has well water without fluoride, drinks only bottled or uses a filter that removes fluoride (many do), ask your dentist about supplements for your child.

Chores: Getting your kids to help

2008-02-04T22:23:00.002+01:00

Every member of the family needs to contribute to make the family work. If one person is doing most or all of the housework, it won't take long to burn out. Try these tips for getting the help you need:

Try to make pickup time as fun as possible. Preschool age children seem to respond well to clean up songs. It helps to start young, when children see cleaning as a game. There are several "clean up" and "tidy up" songs on children's tapes and videos. Find one that isn't too annoying and use it! Sing along with the children. Older children -- I hate to say this, but it's true -- may work better with their own favorite music playing. I know that adults in the clutter club have mentioned that music helps. Close the door or move outside while they work to the beat if you don't appreciate their music. But don't insist on silence for housework. Don't teach your children that housework is boring. They may just find that some housework is interesting and even fun. Don't spoil it for them!
Label shelves or boxes with words or pictures. Why buy toys that involve putting small blocks or balls into a container when you can practice the same skill on something more useful-like toys and their shelves or boxes. It's a matching game! Young school-aged children are great at matching socks-and sorting laundry once you teach them the rules.
Work together, side-by-side. Not only is it good for the children to see you helping (not the mean ogre that makes them do all the work) but you might also get some insight into how your child does things. It is not always necessary for a child to do everything the way you do. Sometimes good enough really is enough. Sometimes the child may come up with a better way. (This is especially true of tasks we were taught to do but hated doing-rather than try to think of a better way to do it, we often try not to think about it.)
After children have a chance to put their belongings away, and haven't, place the items in a box. Your kids can redeem them by doing extra chores around the house. This is not a punishment, this is an exchange of labor -- you had to pick up their stuff, now they have to do something for you. Don't make chores a punishment. If you think of housework as a punishment yourself, you need to get things straight in your own mind. Certain tasks simply must be done to keep a household running. Doing them doesn't make you a servant. You do it for the good of the family --including yourself.
Make sure your child is able to do what you ask. A toybox lid that is too heavy, shelves that are too deep, clothes poles that are over a child's reach, all make it hard, if not impossible for the child to help. Look for child-size brooms and lightweight vacuum cleaners if you plan on having a young child use them. Low shallow shelving units are found in many day care centers for a reason. It's one of the best ways to encourage children to put things away for themselves. If you had 15 children you'd give up on the concept that it's easier to do it yourself a whole lot sooner. By the way, it may be easier to do it yourself this time, but multiply that by forever and compare that to the trouble of teaching the child to do it. That's a more reasonable comparison.
Be very specific about what you want your child to do. "Clean your room" is vague to most children as well as overwhelming. Does it mean to get everything off the floor -- so it's all right to cram it all into the closet or under the bed? Does it mean I have to put away the puzzle I've been working on and dust and vacuum and wash down the walls? What's the least I can do and still pass inspection? "Pick up all the blocks and put them in the block box" is more useful. Keep giving instructions until the task is completed to your standards.
Use pictures or words to list the steps you expect your child to take in completing a task. Let your child follow your "written" instructions. This frees you from having to repeat the steps every time and makes it more of a game. For older children this makes your instructions more specific and you are less likely to have to make repeated inspections only to find that they had skipped some important step.
Make sure there is enough storage space for everything in your child's room. If you are helping a child clean his room and you get stuck trying to find a place for everything -- you need to get less "stuff," more storage, or both. Look for storage items that are easy to use and that will hold whatever it is that needs to be held.
Make it a regular event. Go through your child's clothes, toys, and papers along with your child and discuss what they really want to keep.
If you use a chore chart, keep it where YOU will see it every day, and keep it current. Nothing like a little inconsistency to throw the whole plan off. Make sure someone marks the chart every day and that rewards are given in a timely manner. It takes discipline to make a chore chart work, but if you want to teach a child discipline, the chore chart is one tool. You might also consider using file cards with your children's chores-list one on each and let them move them from one envelope to another as they complete the chores. You might also teach older children to make their own day plan --schedule their activities on a calendar or day-planner and include their chores and homework.
Do you hear a lot of "why do I have to do everything"? You might want to create a chore chart for mom and dad, showing all of the things that children are so fond of taking for granted. It may not make the child feel better, but it will probably help you not to cave in to some false sense of guilt. If you find that the child really is doing a lot (for example: when parents or siblings are ill or disabled) you might want to discuss the reasons and see if there is any way to take some of the pressure off. You want the child to grow up responsible, not resentful. It might also be useful to talk to the parents of the other children when your child comes home and announces that "no one else has to help with dishes every night." It helps to know the facts. Most children believe they are overworked if they are expected to do so much as make their own beds-or they want you to believe it. Take a step back and look for reality.
When asking for help remember to ask politely. Explain that you are willing to do your share of the housework, but that everyone in the family needs to help. Explain that you would be a more relaxed person and easier to live with if everyone would simply select a few chores and do their share. Have a list of the chores that you'd be interested in sharing so they can choose some chores right away. Post a schedule of chores for everyone -- including your own -- as a reminder. Try not to nag. Please!
Believe it when you tell your child that this is a skill that will be needed later in life. Whether it's organizing a desk, dusting a shelf, or sorting laundry -- if they don't learn it from you they will have to learn it the hard way. (My roommate in college learned about sorting clothes after all of our whites turned pink in the wash with her brand new towels -- we wished her mother had taken the time to teach her earlier.) When you say "you'll thank me for this later," believe it! Attitude counts. Keep yours as positive as possible.
Offer rewards for completing chores. Don't forget to reward yourself when you've done a good job. A small snack, a warm hug, a sincere "thanks" or some time alone (or alone with someone special) are all good rewards for small things. A new "toy," a trip to someplace fun (like the park or the zoo for the kiddies or a nice restaurant for older kids), or some time off are good rewards for bigger accomplishments.

The Perfect Childhood: Why It's Bad for Kids

2008-02-04T00:17:00.001+01:00

From Reader's Digest

Reality Check

A teacher's comments in red on tests or papers, once considered instructive because the color makes you take notice, are fading away. Now, in places like New York City, Pittsburgh, and Trumbull, Connecticut, schools have abandoned the urgent red color for tones like blue or purple.

"My first-graders freak out when they see red," says McGhie Calahan, a teacher in Crossville, Tennessee. "I use blue or black to make comments. They're less harsh."

At an after-school sports program he attended when he was six, my son, Charlie, was awarded a trophy simply for participating. Every kid received a trophy and every trophy had its own inscription. The award my then-scruffy little boy received -- and he could barely lace his hockey skates at the time -- was for "Neatness."

Like most preschoolers, Will Theodore of Westford, Massachusetts, likes to draw, especially for his mom, Jennifer. At first she oohed and aahed over his every creation. His drawings were clever, amazing, works of art, she'd exclaim. One day after the four-year-old had placed a few squiggly lines on a page, he blurted to her, "Look, isn't this just beautiful?"

Time for a reality check. In our zeal to create a great childhood for our kids -- one in which they feel happy, safe and successful -- many parents and teachers are going to extremes. Determined to do anything -- anything -- to make life better for their children, parents have fallen for the myth that they can create a perfect childhood. They're called helicopter parents, hovering over their kids and micromanaging their lives. They've bought into the myth that a child's self-esteem depends on never having even the slightest adversity, upset or setback.

But the "no more tears" approach to raising kids is doing more harm than parents and teachers realize.

"Of course we love our kids like crazy," says Betsy Hart, a Chicago-area mother of four and author of It Takes a Parent. "But when we idolize -- and idealize -- them, we're not doing them any favors." In fact, the result of these good intentions is often just the opposite.

Kids can't nourish their true identities or feel good about their accomplishments if we feed them junk praise that bloats their egos and leaves them hungry for real self-awareness. There's strong scientific evidence that undeserved praise can do long-term harm, especially when doled out to malleable teenagers. What's more, kids with a solution-minded parent constantly lurking don't develop the mettle to solve life's inevitable problems.

"Mistakes are experiences that prepare youngsters for their futures," says Robert Brooks, PhD, of Harvard Medical School and co-author of Raising Resilient Children. "When parents rush to the rescue or take over, it sends the message, 'I don't think you're competent to handle things. I'm not sure I trust you to succeed.' "

Experts agree: To have a fuller, more competent life as adults, we need the freedom to fail a little more often as children. We need the freedom to make mistakes. Only then can we learn to succeed.

The Trouble With Perfect

You see them everywhere: well-intentioned but overbearing parents, making tsunami-size waves in classrooms and on ball fields. In some school districts, it's become embarrassingly commonplace for assertive parents to pressure teachers to change grades. ("She's eight! Harvard's only ten years away!") Coaches and directors of other extracurricular activities get more of the same. Says Sharon Czelusniak of Queens, New York, a girls' soccer coach for eight years, "We had lots of parents who preferred that their children only play as forwards, even though our philosophy was for the younger kids to learn all the positions."

Pushy, grade-grubbing moms and dads take a toll on everyone in the system, not just the children. Surveys show, for example, that "parent management" issues are a major reason many new teachers leave the classroom for other professions, presumably less crazy-making ones.

The Millennials -- kids born after 1981 -- are America's most protected, overwatched generation ever, say Neil Howe and William Strauss in their book Millennials Rising. For a variety of reasons, their baby-boomer parents and other adults have been monitoring them like none other (I sheepishly recall over-monitoring my own Millennial). While no one is recommending we return to the days of wearing dunce caps and sitting in corners, the care of little egos can go too far. As Elisabeth Guthrie, MD, co-author of The Trouble With Perfect, writes, "Is it really to a child's advantage to have a teacher say to a student who's given an incorrect answer, 'That's the right answer to another question'?"

If the multiplication tables or the capital of Virginia are open to interpretation, what can youngsters actually believe? When there are no wrong answers, when grades, talent and diligence all seem relative, why should children bother with accomplishment? (By the way, the Virginia statehouse is in Richmond.)

So how can parents help their kids without "hovering" like helicopters?

For starters, say the experts, parents need to get real about the abilities of their offspring, and then be more honest with them. Children need to be able to "assess strengths and weaknesses, monitor and refine their own performance," writes Mel Levine, MD, in his new book Ready or Not: Here Life Comes. That ability is enhanced when they have clear cues and realistic encouragement from adults they look up to. Director of the University of North Carolina's Clinical Center for the Study of Development and Learning, Levine notes that self-assessment becomes essential, especially in the years between 11 and 20.

New research in neuro-development shows that this is the stage when the brain's frontal region matures and neural connections become stronger. As this part of the brain begins to specialize -- important wiring for life -- preteens and teens begin to explore and focus on their interests and passions, finding the personal niche that leads to lifelong accomplishment and true self-esteem. What they don't need right now is false data.

Taking Cues From Kids

"Human survival has always depended on accurate feedback," says Russell Barkley, PhD, professor of psychiatry at SUNY Upstate Medical University in Syracuse, New York. When we're not making the grade, the brain knows it instantly, says Barkley, "and sends a barrage of warnings: 'work harder,' 'come up with a new plan,' or 'slow down, you're making a mistake.' " We literally can't fool ourselves, or even be fooled, into thinking everything's great when it's not. So "kids don't gain anything from syrup," says Barkley.

As Jennifer Theodore, the mother of four-year-old Will, realized, overdoing the praise can backfire. "Instead of telling my son that everything he does is a masterpiece, now I'll challenge him and say, 'What else can you do?' Or we'll discuss why we like some pictures better. He may be little, but he knows when he's doing something well and when he's trying hard."

That's true of kids in general, say the experts -- and also true when they're not performing up to snuff. If a child's not doing well, he tends to know it. "Children have an uncanny knack for the truth," writes Elisabeth Guthrie -- even very young children.

When a parent swoops in, however, kids' self-awareness is disrupted, and they can't practice finding their own answers. "Parents who overdo may have a child who doesn't engage in the thinking process," says Laura Berk, distinguished professor of psychology at Illinois State University and author of Awakening Children's Minds.

Instead of moving in quickly and forcefully, parents should take their cues from kids on when they need help. Psychologists call this background support "scaffolding." "There's a universal human need to master tasks on one's own, a drive to excel," says Berk. "When parents overstep the boundaries, they risk trampling natural self-motivation," she adds. Instead, it's our job as adults to make sure kids know we expect them to perform and behave.

Some of the words out of the mouths of babes reflect the innate need for autonomy. "I do it," and the all-too- familiar "No!" translate to "Back off! I need to work on this even if I get it wrong." (Parents, of course, may indeed have to help out little ones a lot of the time.) Children as young as 18 months old signal their inborn drive and competency needs by talking out loud to themselves in a motivating way. "When you eavesdrop on this private speech," says Berk, "you get insight into what the child finds challenging, what she wants to master." By the preschool years, this private speech begins to be internalized.

But not silenced: Self-communication remains a major tool of self-regulation. In the best cases, the core inner-voice message is I think I can. I think I can. "Yes -- just like The Little Engine That Could," says Berk. Parents scaffold that message of optimism when they let kids in on their own inner speech and everyday strategies. A mom might mention to a child, for example: "This is a hard recipe. I think it'll be easier if I start by chopping all the vegetables."

Keeping in Close Touch

By giving up the myth of the perfect childhood, we may gain something better -- the good childhood. Tameka Watkins, of Daphne, Alabama, for example, seems to have a natural aptitude for parenting. She sits with her ten-year-old son, Cornelious -- nicknamed C.D. -- each night as he tackles his homework, but she doesn't do it for him. When he tells her what he's learning, she listens with interest. A report from the National Assessment of Educational Progress found that students like C.D. who discuss their studies at home have higher average reading scores. The opportunity to talk about and reflect on what he knows will serve this honor student well through his school years.

While C.D. helps his mother clear the table, they talk about what's on his mind. Some nights it's his dream of being a police officer. Tameka encourages her son's "what if" thinking, his vision for the future, and ties it to current achievements. "You know, the police have to solve problems," she might tell him, "just like you did in science class." And when he visits his mom at her job as an exercise technician, her sunny professionalism sets an example of fulfillment in a self-chosen task.

Tameka is what Robert Brooks calls "a charismatic adult," someone who helps the child learn significant things about himself. "Children gather inner strength and a resilient mind-set from this affectionate notice," he says.

Not overly praised, not overprotected, not constantly rescued -- but listened to, understood and supported, C.D. is receiving the best possible gift of childhood from his mom. It's the chance to be himself.

Foster a Better Relationship With Your Children

2008-01-31T21:47:00.001+01:00

17 ways to sustain the love and respect.

From Stealth Health

Cultivate Support

You remember them in diapers. You recall their first words. You cherish the days when they were innocent, loving, and eager for your hugs. Maybe that's why it's so hard to remember that your children are now teenagers or -- where did the time go? -- actual adults.

Once a parent, always a parent. And yet, as your children grow and evolve, so must your relationship with them. You need to be supportive but not intrusive; offer emotional support without being overly involved in their lives; and hope they make wise choices, while understanding that those choices are theirs to make.

Offering your love and support while respecting your children's choices can help you build a more enduring relationship with them. The tips below can help you bond with your kids even though they're no longer kids. And remember: This, too, is a matter of health for you. For nothing can break your heart as much as a strained or ruined relationship with your grown child. And nothing can make your heart soar as much as watching their lives prosper -- and them wanting you to be an integral part of it.

1. Set a standing dinner date. There's something comforting and secure about the family gathered around the dinner table, perhaps because that tradition is rapidly disappearing. Yet the evening meal is often the one time of day when the family can gather in one place and reinforce their unity. So make dinner a family affair, even if you're sharing takeout at the dinner table. You can use the opportunity to share the news of the day, make weekend plans, and enjoy one another's company. As a bonus, research shows that adolescents who have dinner with their families at least several times a week are less likely to smoke and use drugs and tend to make higher grades.

2. Back off, but stay close. "It's normal for teens to want to spend more time with friends than parents," says Debbie Glasser, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist, past chair of the National Parenting Education Network, and founder of NewsForParents.org, a nationally recognized news provider for parents. But don't take this as your cue that your job as a parent is diminished. Find ways to remain involved in your child's life. For example, while your years of volunteering in his classroom may be over, you can still remain involved in his school by joining the PTA or organizing a school fund-raiser. While play dates are a thing of the past, you can still get to know his friends by inviting them to the house after school. "Staying involved during these years may be more challenging now, but it's an important way to enhance your relationship with your child," says Dr. Glasser.

3. Share your own feelings with your teen. Of course, spare the intimate details of very personal subjects, but confiding that you, too, occasionally feel angry, insecure, or awkward shows your teenager that you're not just a parent -- you're human. Not only will your child feel closer to you, but he or she may feel safe enough to disclose uncomfortable issues or feelings when they arise.

4. Respect your teen's privacy. Don't read her diary, eavesdrop on his phone conversations, or badger her with questions. If their behavior is troubling you, address it directly, using five little words: "Can we talk about it?" Some examples: "I've smelled smoke when you walk into the room several times now. Have you been smoking? Can we talk about it?" Or, "You seem very quiet lately, and I'm worried about you. Can we talk about it?"

5. Seek their opinions. Teenagers have opinions about, well, everything, and they aren't shy about sharing them, says Dr. Glasser. So allow them to make more independent decisions. For instance, let them decide when and where to study, what to wear, what after-school activity to pursue, what sports team to join. However, keep in mind that some decisions are nonnegotiable. "Parents need to set limits that protect their child's health, safety, and well-being -- at every age," says Dr. Glasser. These might include curfews, decisions about drinking and sexual activity, issues around grades and college. Still, find opportunities to solicit your teen's two cents when you can. Promise not to make decisions without hearing, and considering, their perspective and preferences.

6. Trust your children to make smart choices. Of course, they'll make the wrong ones occasionally. But especially if they're over 18, give them the chance to figure out solutions to problems on their own, without interference. After all, didn't you want the same from your parents when you were their age?

7. Call before you drop by. If you have an adult child, always call before you go to his home, unless it's absolutely necessary. (Do you like it when guests show up on your doorstep uninvited?) If you're the parent of a teen, knock before you enter her room.

8. Accept their holiday absences with grace. Yes, you may be disappointed that your children -- and their children -- spend Thanksgiving or Christmas without you. But don't nag or complain about it. You may win a battle over which in-law's house they visit for Christmas, but lose your child's respect -- and a strong, enduring relationship.

9. When you catch yourself about to say, "If I were you ... " change the subject or leave the room for a moment to collect yourself. Your reward: a closer relationship with a child who appreciates that you respect his autonomy.

10. Think about the things you value in your other relationships. It's a good bet that trust, respect, and attention top the list, along with shared good times and unconditional acceptance. There you have it: the recipe for the perfect parent-child relationship.

11. State your views, then invite reaction. "Does that seem fair to you? Can you think of a better way to deal with this? What would you do in my position?" It's easy for a teen to be unreasonable if you take on the burden of reasonableness all by yourself. Share it and they'll find it harder to dismiss your position. Plus, you're more likely to land on middle ground you can both accept.

12. Be there when they want you or need you, rather than when you want to be. A lifetime of love, trust, and respect will ensue if you are reliably around whenever a reasonable and acceptable request is made of you.

13. Be honest. Many parents offer praise when they shouldn't, as well as when they should. That just undermines trust. We've all heard, "When you haven't got anything nice to say... " But in fact, if both your praise and criticism are heartfelt and valid, your child will learn to trust you.

14. Cultivate love, but demand respect. This may sound a bit Machiavellian, but Machiavelli may well have been a good dad! Don't try so hard to be your child's friend that you fail to set limits, protect your own integrity, and earn respect. You can be friends long after your child is grown as long as you are the parent first.

15. Live your priorities. Kids should be among them, but not replace them. If you lose yourself in the process of indulging your kids, they will likely grow bigger egos than is healthy for them or you and belittle the value of your life.

16. Acknowledge that things have changed since you were their age. And they have. Music, clothes, technology, language, style, educational methods, the job market, even sexual mores and attitudes have evolved significantly in recent years. And the speed of change is only accelerating. You cannot keep up with it all, nor should you. But you do need to strike a balance: Don't live in the past, but don't try to bluff that you know exactly what's going on among teens today either. The middle ground is to live in the present, but your grown-up present. That includes being conversant about the Internet, HDTV, cell phones, the state of the economy, the world marketplace. Your kids will respect you if you are contemporary in a mature way, and don't base your observations of their lives on a past irrelevant to them.

17. Decode your child's "love language." While you may love your children dearly, they may not understand the ways you show your love -- and you may not understand the ways they're best able to receive it. Some children need lots of hugs and cuddles; others may not be as touchy-feely. Some children want you to spend time with them, while others need lots of independence. The next time you spend time with your child, pay attention to the cues he or she sends so you can better interpret the way your child needs to be loved.

Let us talk about relaxation....

2008-01-30T22:45:00.001+01:00

6 Simple Steps to Relaxation

Lower your stress to a healthy level in 20 minutes.

From ChangeOne.com

One proven way to ease stress is what Harvard University cardiologist Herbert Benson, M.D., calls the relaxation response.

According to Benson's studies, the method taps an innate mechanism that can be used to counteract the human fight-or-flight response to stress. His research shows that the relaxation response can lower blood pressure and ease muscle tension. Benson suggests setting aside 20 minutes and following these six simple steps:

Find a quiet place where you won't be disturbed. Sit in a comfortable position, one that allows you to relax your body. Close your eyes.

Starting with your feet and progressing upward, relax your muscles. End with the muscles of your face. Take a moment to experience the feeling of being completely relaxed.

With your eyes still closed, breathe in and out through your nose, concentrating on each breath.

Then, as you exhale, begin to silently repeat a short phrase or single word, such as "peace" or "calmness" or "easy does it." Choose a word that helps you focus your mind and banish distracting thoughts.

Continue repeating your soothing word or phrase and concentrating on breathing. The experts usually recommend doing this exercise for 10 to 15 minutes. Don't set an alarm, though, or you'll constantly be thinking about when it will go off. Have a watch or clock handy and open your eyes now and then to check the time. And don't be discouraged from doing the relaxation routine if you don't have a full 15 minutes. Even a few minutes will help.

Sit quietly for a few more minutes, first with your eyes closed and then with them open. Savor the way your body and mind feel.

When Your Child Hates School

2008-01-29T16:18:00.001+01:00

Some of the most common reasons kids hate school -- and strategies to put them back on the road to success.

Here are some of the most common reasons kids hate school--and strategies to put them back on the road to success:

Coping With Anxiety and Loneliness

Anxiety. One fear that keeps children from enjoying school is separation anxiety. It most frequently occurs during times of family stress or when a child is about to enter a new school.

Unfortunately, parents can feed a child's anxieties by the way they respond. With younger kids, watch how you say good-bye those first few days of school. A firm "Have a great day, and I'll pick you up at 2:30!" is more confidence-inspiring than "Don't worry, I can be there in ten minutes if you need me."

Thomas Ollendick, head of an anxiety-disorders clinic for children and adolescents at Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University in Blacksburg, Va., treated one boy who was anxious about entering middle school. He worried about everything from getting lost in the new school to getting beaten up. His mother took time off from work so she could stay home to "be there" for him--"inadvertently sending the message that something dreadful might indeed happen," Ollendick recalls.

Once the mother realized she was contributing to the problem, she began fostering her son's independence by taking him to the school so he could learn his way around and meet his homeroom teacher. His fears diminished, and now he's a well-adjusted student.

You can help your child handle fearful situations--from speaking up in class to taking tests--by rehearsing at home. Help make large projects less daunting by breaking them into manageable pieces. Teach your child to replace thoughts such as "I'm going to flunk" with "I can handle this."

Loneliness.
Some kids dislike school because they have no friends. This may be the case if your child is always alone, feigns illness to avoid class outings or gives away treasured possessions in an attempt to be liked.

Often loneliness problems can be solved by bolstering social skills. "A child may need to learn how to look others in the eye when he speaks, or how to talk above a whisper--or below a yell," Ollendick says. You might teach a young child a few "friendship openers," such as "My name's Tom. What's yours? Do you want to play tag?"

"A lot of kids who are very lonely have never been told anything good about themselves," says Miami teacher Matty Rodriguez-Walling. "If a lonely kid is skilled in some area--computers, for example--I'll often have other students work with him. That does a lot for self-esteem and helps the lonely child make friends."

Emotional and Physical Hurdles

Bullies.
Students sometimes hate school because they are afraid to attend. If your child seems quiet and anxious, has few school friends or suddenly shows a drop in self-esteem, he may be a victim of a bully.

The common advice for this problem--teach your child to be assertive--isn't always enough. "Even when kids are assertive, the bully often beats them up," Ollendick says. He recommends instead that elementary-school children tell a teacher. In middle school and above, kids should stick with friends and avoid places where the bully hangs out.

If you have to step in, go to the principal, not the bully's parents. To avoid embarrassing your child, be subtle. When Yan was in kindergarten, two older boys began picking on him at the bus stop. My husband proposed a simple solution: move the bus stop closer to our building so we could keep an eye on the boys. The principal agreed, and the bullying stopped.

Trouble Learning.
Some children's school complaints spring from physical problems. For them, "hating school is really frustration at being a step behind, no matter how hard they try," says psychologist Harvey Mandel, co-author of Could Do Better: Why Children Underachieve and What to Do About It.

One third-grader was still unable to read despite being tutored. When told to do his homework, he'd whine that his eyes were blurry and his head hurt. Optometrist Lynn Fishman Hellerstein found that although the boy had 20/20 vision, he was having trouble focusing his eyes. "With glasses and vision therapy, he became an eager learner," Hellerstein says.

Vision problems are surprisingly common, so parents need to be sensitive to signs of trouble. While reading, does your child cover an eye, tilt her head or lose her place? Does she hold books closer than the distance from her elbow to her knuckles? Does she complain of itchy eyes, headaches or nausea after detailed work? If so, get her a complete vision exam that includes evaluations of eye-movement control, focusing, depth perception and other skills.

Some reluctant students may not hear the teacher. Schedule an appointment with an audiologist if your child has trouble learning letter sounds (particularly short vowels, such as "u" and "o"); confuses similar-sounding words (such as "on" and "in," or "to" and "through"); or asks questions that have already been answered.

Kids with learning disabilities often get frustrated, fail to finish assignments or appear to ignore the teacher. They may be unable to remember simple facts, such as their phone number, the alphabet or details of a story they've just heard. If you suspect your child has a learning disability, ask the teachers about having an evaluation by the school psychologist, Martin and Waltman-Greenwood suggest.

Poor Chemistry With a Teacher.
What if your child constantly complains that a teacher is "unfair" or "mean"? Sometimes the solution is simple. "Having the teacher and child sit down for lunch together can often improve the relationship," observes Carole Kennedy, former president of the National Association of Elementary School Principals.

Other times, more drastic action is needed. Shortly after entering second grade, our son Yan began coming home depressed. His new teacher was a strict disciplinarian. Once, he berated a child to the point of tears when he misread a word aloud. Yan was convinced he would be next.

My husband and I made a list of incidents Yan had described and spoke to the teacher. When she confirmed her actions, we immediately asked the principal to move Yan to another class. Soon Yan had a new teacher--and a new outlook on school.

Remember, kids know how to play a parent against a teacher. So if your child tells you a horror story about school, don't automatically assume you're getting the whole truth. Talk with the teacher, principal or guidance counselor. Once you identify why your child hates school, you can almost always find a solution.

Parenting....

2008-01-28T23:15:00.001+01:00

7 Things Parents Should Never Say to a Tween

Talking with a tween can be like walking through a minefield. Any moment you could be asking what you thought was a simple, sincere question only to find it triggering an explosive response.

In all fairness, these middle school years are like an emotional roller-coaster brought on by peer pressure, bullying, stress, school, raging hormones, and just trying to fit in. So how do you survive those minefields and still stay connected? The first step is to avoid these seven big tween "turn offs."

1. NEVER SAY: "How was your day?"
DO SAY: "Tell me about your day."
Tweens see generic parenting remarks as "so-o-o predictable" and insincere. Besides you'll get nothing more than "fine" as a response. Instead, ask more open-ended questions that require more than a yes or no answer. Take note about the specifics in your child's life: "Hey, how was that baseball game? Where did you play in the field?" Your tween will appreciate your more sincere interest.

2. NEVER SAY: "Tell him to leave you alone!"
DO SAY: "Where did it happen?"
Bullying is strongest during the middle school years and today's bullies are vicious. Tweens need strategies to deal with bullies. So take your kid seriously and get specifics (who, what, where, when). The data will help you and your child create a safety plan. Don't promise that you won't tell (you may have to step in to advocate for your child), and do remain vigilante.

3. NEVER SAY: "What was she wearing?"
DO SAY: "What do you enjoy about her?"
Materialism is huge with this age group. This is also a time when tweens are forming identities and are most impressionable. Halt the comments about clothing and appearance (as well as popularity)! Instead emphasize those traits that grow from the inside out like talent, loyalty, character, and friendship so your tween knows your values.

4. NEVER SAY: "Toughen up!"
DO SAY: "You seem really upset."
Puberty, hormonal changes, mood swings—tweens will be "very touchy" and extremely sensitive. So don't tell your kid to get tougher—he will take it personally. Instead, respect your tween's ups and downs and acknowledge his feelings. Tweens are trying to make sense out of their mood swings as well. Do refrain from sarcasm or teasing, and watch your non-verbal cues such as smirks or raised eyebrows.

5. NEVER SAY: "Why did you do that?"
DO SAY: "What did you hope would happen?"
Let's face it: tweens are impulsive and do act a little crazy, and for good reason. The part of the brain that regulates decision-making and impulse control is still forming which is one reason they look so blank when you ask, "Why did you do that?" A tween really may not know the reason for their actions. So instead of "why," ask "what." They'll be less likely to say "I don’t know" and it may even help them learn what to do the next time.

6. NEVER SAY: "Relax!"
DO SAY: "Let's find ways to help you de-stress."
Don't take your kids stress for granted. Thirty-five percent of tweens say they are stressed but don't know ways to de-stress. Monitor your kid's stress level and offer specific coping strategies as needed.

7. NEVER SAY: "Get over it!"
DO SAY: "I'm so sorry. You must hurt!"
Peer relationships are critical and play a big part in developing a tween’s self-esteem. Though the anguish of a friendship tiff or "first love" breakup may seem juvenile, don't dismiss your tween’s hurt. Not only is your kid experiencing her own pain, but she's also worried about “peer humiliation.” She is concerned with what “all the other kids are saying". So show a little empathy! Be supportive and fill her social calendar with something to do especially on those long weekends.

Faith Conquers All

2008-01-27T23:37:00.002+01:00

Faith conquers all

Faith conquers all,
Remember the words of our Savior,
Who told us that faith conquers all.

If a child looks to you for guidance,
And you're there when he's fearful and calls.
Give him your hand - reassure him,
And show him that faith conquers all.

When faced with a new situation,
And cowed by the height of the wall.
Climb up and bravely reach over,
Be confident, for faith conquers all.

When others share with you their troubles,
And ask for your help, lest they fall.
Do not question if you can help them,
Just pray and know faith conquers all.

If you've failed in some self-endeavor,
And you feel discouraged and small.
Keep trying over and over,
You'll do it, for faith conquers all.

Forgive the person who hurt you,
As fast as you can - do not stall.
God will help you forgive him,
Remember that faith conquers all.

Don't claim to have all the answers,
Before you can walk, you must crawl.
Keep asking, and searching, and seeking,
Our Lord has said faith conquers all.

When you come to the end of your journey,
And you stand in the big banquet-hall.
You'll be greeted there by the Master,
He's proof that your faith conquered all.

Faith conquers all,
Faith conquers all.
Remember the words of our Savior,
Who told us that faith conquers all.

written by Virginia (Ginny) Ellis

Questions to ask and thought to consider....

2008-01-25T23:16:00.002+01:00

The universe does not favor the greedy, the dishonest,
the vicious, although on the mere surface it may sometimes
appear to do so; it helps the honest, the magnanimous, the
virtuous. All the great teachers of the ages have declared
this in varying forms, and to prove and know it a person has
but to persist in making him or herself more and more
virtuous by lifting up his or her thoughts.

James Allen

Questions to consider:

Why does it seem to us like so many people
"get away" with so much?

How much of this perspective comes from impatience--thinking
that "rewards" and "punishments" should happen much more
quickly than they do?

Can we be sure that people who hurt others truly learn
how harmful their actions are?

For further thought:

Despite all the doom and gloom that constantly assaults our senses, there is a way for us to ransom our lives and reclaim our futures: it consists in turning away from the world to recognize what in life makes us truly happy. For each of us, what that is will be different. But once we obtain this inner knowledge, we will possess the ability to transform our outer world. "You can live a lifetime and, at the end of it, know more about other people than you know about yourself," the pilot and writer Beryl Markham reminds us. We cannot let this continue to occur.

Sarah Ban Breathnach

Today's quotation:

2008-01-24T22:32:00.003+01:00

To me, the essence of keeping the soul nourished is obedience
to one's conscience. I don't think that the soul can be
nourished unless people have a strong sense of conscience
that they have educated and developed and soaked in the
universal and timeless principles of integrity and service. This
way, the individual's soul becomes part of the universal soul
of service, contribution, and making a difference.

Stephen R. Covey

Questions to consider:

Are you more likely to listen to your conscience or
to your "rational," logical mind?

What has happened when you've ignored the messages of your conscience? How many people have been affected? How?

How can we "train" our conscience?

For further thought:

It is not because people's desires are strong that they
act ill; it is because their consciences are weak.
There is no natural connection between strong impulses and a
weak conscience. The natural connection is the other way.

John Stuart Mill

Today's quotation

2008-01-23T23:07:00.001+01:00

A successful life for a man or for a woman seems to me
to lie in the knowledge that one has developed to the
limit the capacities with which one was endowed; that
one has contributed something constructive to family
and friends and to a home community; that one has
brought happiness wherever it was possible; that one
has earned one's way in the world, has kept some friends,
and need not be ashamed to face oneself honestly.

Eleanor Roosevelt

I want to be a success, have no doubt about it. On the day that I die, I want to look back on my life and know that I was successful, that I accomplished many things that were useful and helpful to other people in the world. What I find fascinating is that my definition of "success" continues to change as I grow older. I'm no longer as interested in being successful in the eyes of other people (though I certainly haven't completely outgrown that ideal), and I no longer see success as the outcome of different sorts and levels of competition.

We live in a world in which we're constantly exposed to "success" as financial gain, the acquisition of power, or the defeat of others in direct competition. Our "successful" role models are athletes, movie stars, musicians, politicians, and business people who have made millions of dollars or who have constant media exposure. We hardly ever see success as the housewife and mother who has brought up her children to be loving, caring, well adjusted human beings (unless she gets her memoirs published and sells a million copies and goes on book-signing tours, of course!). We hardly ever see the successful business person as the one who kept a business going through thick and thin, providing jobs and insurance for many people even if he or she never did become wealthy or powerful. The artist who never found commercial success but who stuck to his or her artwork, the writer who never was published but who continued to write, the poet who never found recognition but who continued to write verse--these are all successful people who just haven't found the public recognition of their success.

For further thought:

There are no secrets of success. Success is doing the
things you know you should do. Success is not doing the things you know you shouldn’t do. Success is not limited to any one area of your life. It encompasses all the facets of your relationships: as parent, as wife or husband, as citizen, neighbor, worker and all of the others. Success is not confined to any one part of your personality but is related to the development of all the parts: body, mind, heart and spirit. It is making the most of your total self.

Wilferd A. Peterson

To love means.......

2008-01-22T21:56:00.001+01:00

Today's quotation:

I wish there were a book I could read each day to tell me

exactly what to do to live consciously from my heart and
soul. But part of the mystery and magic, part of the reason
I'm here, is to try to stumble through and hear what the soul
has to say about what it needs at each moment--whether it
is to work through an emotional block, discover what the
next lesson is, meet the next soul mate (my children
are soul mates; my best friends are soul mates), or
finish my business with the one I'm with now. Ultimately,
for most of us, the journey comes down to the same issue:
learning to love freely. First ourselves, then other people.

Melody Beattie

Questions to consider:

How often do you find yourself "stumbling through" your lessons?

Do you love yourself unconditionally? If not,
are you able to love others freely?

How can we use the lessons we go through
to help us to learn to love?

For further thought:

To love means being 100 percent responsible for your
experience of living, to not be a victim or a martyr,
and to be 100 percent accountable for the quality
of your life, which includes the amount of love, joy,
and growth you create in your relationships each day.

To love is the ability to remain strong, stable, and
committed through difficult times, changes, and
challenges. It means being gentle, kind, and
supportive of your potential, goals, and aspirations.

Harold Bloomfield

Quotation of the Day

2008-01-21T23:07:00.000+01:00

“In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins — not through strength but by perseverance.”

Making our lives bright and wonderful

2008-01-20T02:05:00.002+01:00

Today's Meditation:

"The richness of your everyday experience." How easy it is to forget this richness, or to miss it as we walk by it constantly. The fact is that our worlds are filled with such incredible beauty, with such wonderful people, with such amazing opportunities that we never would be able to take advantage of all of them in our lifetimes simply due to a lack of time. Do we see them, though, or do we miss them? Most of us miss them regularly, for we get so caught up in the "things" that we have to get done that we simply don't look around ourselves and make an effort to recognize the wonder and beauty of the world.

A true education is simply learning about the world we're in and how we fit into it. Most formal education deals strictly with information and processes developed by human beings. But true education more than anything else results in awareness, and while many educational programs seem to be about awareness, they're mostly trying to get us to be aware of information, analysis of that information, and application of processes based on that information. This isn't to downplay the importance of formal education-- I'm thankful for doctors and engineers and architects and mathematicians and all those other wonderful people who work to make our lives better.

But as Kent Nerburn says, there's artistry in the hands of the mechanic, though few of us see that. The cars that we drive are amazing works of wonder that are almost incredible in their scope--a person from 1000 years ago would marvel at the machines, and marvel even more when he or she found out that they were powered by fuel pumped from the ground and processed to make gasoline. We flip a switch and lights go on, powered by an electrical plant sometimes hundreds of miles away.

This world is an awesome, wonderful place. Too often, though, we see it as a dreary, unpleasant place full of obstacles and problems, a place where we simply muddle our way through our lives. It's our choice, though--if we choose to see and appreciate the wonder of the world, we can learn more than we ever thought possible, and we can make our lives truly bright, indeed.

Questions to consider:

How do you choose to see the various aspects of your life? Lights, television, radio, DVD players--are they sources of wonder, or just everyday things?

If you were to change anything about your perspective, what would it be? How would you change it?

Why are we so prone to take things for granted and stop noticing wonderful things? What can we do to battle this tendency?

For further thought:

Real education should educate us out of self
into something far finer--into a
selflessness which links us with all humanity.

Lady Nancy Astor